Saturday, February 22, 2014

Not to pry

Not to Pry




"I dunno why I keep coming." Sara bit a grin. It wasn't like she was going to tell the support group she'd recovered. She might never completely recover from last October's incident with Max's car. "I mean, everything..everything is..is so great in my life." As she said it she knew she shouldn't as she looked around the circle. There was the 30 something year old black woman who'd wormed her way through her ex-boyfriend's bathroom window just to burn his bed. There were others who were bullies in the work place. Everyone just needed to stay calm. They were all ALL RIGHT. She wanted to believe.

Of course, everyone was alone on Valentines day. Except her. Yes, Hansen was so amazing. He'd given her a dozen roses. Although, she knew he shouldn't have. Still, it was sweet and they were happy. She could't complain.

"But." And there was a but. "I don't think I would ever do anything to hurt Hansen." She shook her head. "Still..it scares me, you know. Life is so scary." She faked a smile. "Its me, I'm scared of." She sighed. "I just didn't know I had it in me. You know, getting back at Max, like I did." She wasn't sure if she wanted to go on as she hugged her self in her soft pink track suit.

Yes, she did feel bad about being herself. No insecurities. She never really believed she could ever hurt anyone. She wasn't like some, completely out of control freak. She was on her meds,  after all.

"I've decided, I don't want children." She hugged herself more.

"You're just saying that Sara," Lana, the one who set her boyfriend's bed on fire, said. "You'll change your mind, some day. Who wouldn't want a blond, blue-eyed baby?" Lana laughed. She'd met Hansen and Sara once out at the mall.

"That's not the point." Sara winced. She hadn't meant to sound so selfish, but she didn't want to see herself losing it with a baby or a child or a son or a daughter. No, it would be better for everyone if she were never a mother.

2 comments:

Cat Eyes & Skinny Jeans said...

Poor Sara.

xx

ivy said...

Well, at least she has someone to talk too. Maybe she will realize she's really OK.