For a moment, Gage knew what happiness meant. It was on someone's plush lip. He knew he didn't deserve Macy.
Funny, how a minute or two could change everything. Seeing the picture of the tiny infant. God, it looked so helpless and possibly still a neonate.
Gage squinted harder, wishing he knew what to say or do. It was like everyone who had been there for him was gone. His head was empty.
Yes, sometimes, he did hide behind the others. Thick in his head. That's what you did when you were lonely. Creating people in your head to talk too.
He didn't know if he could explain it.
Gage remained calm as he let his Dad hold him. Yes, he was sad. And he could be his own worst enemy. Gage was his own worst enemy.
He was certain now, Macy would never speak to him. And he would never be a part of that baby's life, either.
He didn't deserve it. But he didn't want to make anymore excuses, either.
"I'm not crazy." He shook his head. "I'm not. I just knew...if..if..I kept thinking of the baby that way..it..it would just be easier." He squinted tears. "I guess..that makes me no better..than.." He didn't want say her name. He couldn't manage it. The woman who brought him into this world had never been his mother.
"But..you do have a responsibility." His dad looked him in the eye and Gage couldn't quite focus on what he meant. He didn't really ever know how large that word could be in the spectrum of things.
Gage bit his bottom lip.
"Look, we will figure this out. Together." His dad sighed. "And it wouldn't hurt if you saw someone."
"Like who?" Gage winced hard.
"I think you might need more than a counselor." His dad sounded so certain. "If you want us to help you, you have to tell someone what's really going on in that head of yours..before its too late."
Gage winced harder as he turned to hug himself. Did his father think he really was crazy?