Sunday, January 25, 2015

Everybody can find it, but me

everybody can find it, but me

How could it possibly be?

Josie was mulling it over as she looked at the dark pink yarn on the crochet hook.

She couldn't quite believe how it happened, but Dustin moved in with Halie.

Josie looked blankly at the task at hand. Henry was here to learn to crochet.

"Why now?" She could be asking the same question to Halie, but she knew what her answer would be. It was all Dustin's mother, her doing.  Josie listened to Halie go on for a good half hour or so on the phone. In fact, Josie was having to charge her phone right now.

"What?" He was fumbling with the yarn with a big fat hook for his thick fingers, or so he said. His fingers were rather thin to her. Like, piano fingers. Fingers who held drumsticks and went crazy on the snare.

"Why do you want to learn this now?" She swelled a frown. She thought of how many times she tried to get him to even make a chain when she would show little kids how to crochet at the library. But he was always silly. A clown in fact, acting all goofy, but now he was serious.

"I dunno. I just thought I should." He was straight lipped, maybe even sour the world, but he was being serious. "Come on, what do I do?"

"I've shown you least 8 times." And he was the one who said her mind was else where. Yes, she was thinking about Halie with a boyfriend and a baby, all in one room.

Suddenly, Josie felt a loss of her own. She could have done that. She always thought that was the way it would be, but it would have been with Derrick (of all people). It would have never lasted. But still..

It was an old feeling she wasn't suppose to have, but it was there like a pulsing stab in her heart. She pressed her lips tight. It was true..she was a total failure as a teenage mother. Someone else was raising her child.

"Are you OK?" Henry asked, wincing ever so sensitive.

"Yes..I'm fine..are you, OK?" She snapped.

"Well..." He sighed. "Yes..I want to be..its ..just..I dunno...I had another seizure."

"What! When?" She looked at him hard.

"At least..once a week..sometimes three." He put down what little he'd done with the crochet hook and yarn.

"Really?" He seemed so blazae about it. She thought as she looked at him now. Tired perhaps. "But you take medications."

"I know. And..and it helps. It would be so much worse, you know, if I didn't. But still..." He looked almost ill. She wondered if one was coming on. "Its like riding this roller coaster, but you just never know when it will happen." He sighed. "I ..I broke up with Leo."

"What?" Now Josie thought she might lose it. Perhaps it felt like a sudden virus of some kind. Like, she'd be breaking up with Sky. Next. And she didn't want that. Of course, he lived here now, but not with her. Just down the hall in his own room. It was nothing like Dustin and Halie.

"I kind of lied. OK, I did lie. Its for his own good, you know. It is..." He tensed.

"Oh..Henry." Josie rolled her eyes at that. She went to the fridge then to get the real milk out and chocolate syrup. It was time for some hot chocolate. "You can't ..just..say ..its over." She winced hard. "I thought you loved him."

"Of course, I love...him....I just don't want to be the reason ..he'll regret one day. That I kept him from doing something..he might really be good... at." The palm of his hand rested against his forehead. He did look as if he'd collapse.

She felt so sad for him. Everything felt sad at the moment. Even the crumbled left over mints next to the cookie jar. But she went on to make the hot chocolate.


cat eyes & skinny jeans said...

I feel horrible for Henry right now. :(


Ivy said...

I feel sad for Henry. I just hope Josie won't get so depressed. She needs to look at the good things in her life, too. After all, it might not be as wonderful for Halie and Dusty as she thinks.

Launna said...

Awe poor Henry... I hope Josie is just there for him... and the truth is nothing is all wonderful for everyone else... we all have issues... xox