"What were, you, doing with Henry?" Derrick blurted. Although, he wished he hadn't. Yet, it was about time Josie showed up, with groceries and more coffee. Just what he needed.
He hadn't slept in so long with the baby home. After all, Rossie needed her rest.
He went to make the coffee.
"Why do you care?" She fumed as if he had no right to ask.
"I dunno. Its just..I..I kind of thought..you would have stayed around for the birth of..of..my daughter." He glared at her as if he thought she cared. Maybe she didn't. Maybe this was just too hard for her, after all. To see him happy. He should have expected it.
"Henry is getting this thing." She pushed her fingers on the spot it would be located on his collar bone. "Its like a computer, or something. I guess." Josie shrugged. "Anyway, he's..he's kind of freaking out about it."
"For his epilepsy?" Derrick squinted. He guessed he understood. He went to pour her some coffee and then some for himself.
He knew he should be checking on Aasha, but he really understood that she needed her sleep. Cherish the thought, of sleep. He yawned.
"Yeah." Josie was tight lipped about it, but he wondered if there were more to it, than she was letting on. Josie and Henry.
"You two..seem..I dunno..Close." He sighed as he set across from her at the tiny kitchen table in Rossie's apartment. Still, he wanted to claim it as home, but he wasn't sure if he'd actually earned it, yet.
"Well, yeah, we're close." She sort of laughed. "Its always been like that."
"Not always." He didn't believe it. He'd never seen it. Not like now. "OK." He didn't want to stir up trouble. "Its just..you know..you don't want to fall..into..anything..that..that you'll regret." Did he need to remind her how they'd fallen into something when Derrick's sister died. It felt like a certain darkness to him now. As if it were some murky dream he didn't quite believe. But it had been a long time ago. And Henry wasn't him.
He watched her fingers clasp the mug of coffee. Derrick remembered how easy she'd made it. Was it just as easy with Henry?
Just then the baby woke him.
"Lets go see Aasha." He got to his feet, a little slower than he anticipated. "You, haven't seen her yet." He smiled.
She followed into the make shift nursery, practically a little corner behind the couch. Aasha was close, this way he could rest from time to time in the livingroom while Rossie slept in the bedroom.
Josie looked down at the bright eyed baby, who looked all ready to be in a commercial. She smiled, watching her little limbs while Aasha's dark eyes were searching Josie.
Derrick picked her up with pride. There was nothing clumsy about him being a dad. Derrick smiled.
"Do you want to hold her?"
"Oh.." She swallowed the threat of becoming melancholy. "Sure."
But she swelled a frown, yet did her best to smile. This feeling of motherhood, still hung on to her like a ghost of some kind. She could hardly take it until it warmed into a haunting euphoric bliss. It was beyond orgasmic.
She thought she might faint, but she steadied herself into the rocker next to the crib.
"Uh..why..why don't you take a shower or something. You..you could take a nap." She looked at the couch. She really hoped she wouldn't have to watch Derrick sleep. "In..in your real bed with Rossie." She nodded, hoping she didn't think she would take off with the infant.
"Are you sure?"
He went to get a bottle of breast milk for her, making sure it was the correct temp. Soon enough he left them alone and she fed the baby, ever so carefully.
It filled her with laughter, yet it wasn't far from the pain she remembered. And she felt tear-eyed, wishing she was still close to Dylan.
She sniffed back the tears while the shower ran down the hall.
Finally, she managed a fresh picture of Aasha on her camera phone and texted Henry.