Tuesday, January 12, 2016

on the horizon

on the horizon

Xander could see it so clearly in his head. The cold wind would hit him just right, in the parking lot. His hair would be blown to one side, but never in his eyes, and he'd force that stupid ring into the palm of Joey's hand, and just walk away.

But it was colder than he expected. And it was snowing. He looked up miserably as the snow came down, touching his face, even his eyelashes. Hadn't there been enough winter, already? Sure, there were all those reports. Its like spring on the east coast. Well, it was the dead of winter here, in the heartland.

He trudged on to his vehicle. Not saying a word. Joey was practically sleep walking. It was awful silent.

Xander turned the key to the ignition and The Pixies came on with "Here comes your man.."

Xander winced hard and turned off the CD.  He let the car warm for a few minutes. Still it felt so cold inside the car, even if the heater was at maximum.

"Its not that big of a shock. Right?" Xander finally said and looked at Joey out of the corner of his eye.

Again, Joey wasn't saying anything. He hugged himself in his old Army coat.

Xander almost blew a breath, thinking he kept meeting the same guy. Evidently. Although, he hadn't really met anyone..had he. Not actually.

Why was it always one little thing that turned everything cold? Off. Not functioning.

He stared at the road on the drive. It wasn't long until they were back in the apartment complex. He'd do his best to give Joey all the space he needed. He'd try to act like he didn't know him. It felt a little like deja vu. But he didn't want to compare him to Gun..because well...

"He's the only guy I've ever been with." Xander just said.

Joey only nodded, and nursed his bottom lip.

Xander found his parking spot. He was about to turn the motor off.

"Do you think... it was people..you know..who turned you gay..because they said you were gay?" Joey's question brought everything to a hault.

"What are you talking about?" Xander looked at him as if he didn't possibly see a connection.

"I mean, what if you're..you're not even completely gay."  Joey looked at him as if it were something to think about.

"I dunno if you can be completely, anything."  Xander slightly winced. Possibly thinking in the opposite direction of Joey's observation. Xander mentioned the DNA test. It was 99% positive that he was born to an American father. "But there's that 1% to wonder about. And I didn't grow up in America."

Joey only sighed.

"You, better go home. The wind is kicking in." Xander looked out the window.  He took the ring off from around his neck and handed it to him. "You, give this to somebody else. I won't be needing it."

Xander wanted to tell him that he didn't expect to be falling in love with anyone soon. But, he remained mute.

Joey shook his head, no. He was crying. Real tears.  He didn't want to go home. He would be alone.

"But..but you've lived there for months now. Way, before you met Becca." Xander remembered.

"It..its not that.." He pressed his lips tight as if he didn't want Xander to see, he was really just a little boy, after all. "There were some people, who came around..looking for Becca..and ..I.. don't have a good feeling, about it." As if there was so much more to the world than finding out his best friend was gay.

Xander, blew a breath.  No way could he leave Joey to fend for himself, and he also hated the fact, that he would love Joey, no matter what.


cat eyes & skinny jeans said...

Now I'm worried about Becca.


Launna said...

Awe, this is sad... and I really don't like that odd people are looking for Becca...