This feeling is not sadness, this feeling is not joy

 "Don't hang out with them," Melissa says when she and Sterling get back to their place. It's not right away because she did have something else in mind. Of course, he never says no to sex. But after some chilled red wine, she tells him.

"Well, I'm going to hang out with them," he says about Cowan and his gang of merry-somethings.

"Must you?" She's at least in her underwear but can't seem to get out of bed. It's as if she's sure she could allure him back.

"What's wrong with them?" He wants to know. Apparently, he's embraced their strangeness even if she knows he's probably the strangest among them.

"A couple of them are from my hometown," Melissa frowns as if that is enough, isn't it.

"So," Sterling looks back at her holding his wine as if he's trying to master the correct pose in his stretchy strength shorts which makes it look as if the hoodie he's sporting might be a dress. He is possibly the boneyest twenty-seven-year-old she's ever met. Of course, he's had a much more sheltered life than her. It's amazing he ever got away from his mom, but he still needs to be taken care of. Yet Melissa assures him he's a grownup.

Melissa knows he can't say no to them and she hates the idea of being friends with Izzy. Although, she's stayed with her and Cowan over the summer. Izzy will always be on Riley's side, not hers.

"Why can't it just be the two of us," she knows she is on the brink of tears. She likes to be private. She likes to be some other person at work. This is where she lives.

"But..but they want to be friends with us," Sterling squints and sips his wine. "My writing could get better."

"You know, you can't get past the first chapter," Melissa snaps.

Sterling only swells a frown as if she wouldn't know.

"Not anymore," he finally admits.

"Oh, it was such awful rot," he showed her the prologue or maybe it was the prelogue for all she knew. It was bogged down with imagery that went nowhere. Sure she could be his editor, but she didn't want to.

"Merce and I started something new, and the Cowan was like, you know a third wheel or something," Sterling shrugs and puts down his wine. He goes to rub her shoulders as if he knows what she likes.

Melissa looks to the ceiling, "Then..then it's not really yours." Of course, he doesn't see the point she's making about writing.

"Well, it's ours, and we're all learning," Sterling looks at her blankly. Melissa wants to roll her eyes. Yes, she guesses they are all in too deep. There is no going back.