Was it always in your plan to leave eventually

 Jude couldn't help but think, 'What about Connor?' in this whole Junie mess. It wasn't that she hated the girl who looked a lot like her [even if she couldn't see it]. It was the fact of not knowing what happened to Connor.

Still, Darry was beginning to grow on her. They seemed to be sticking together lately as if they might be a couple. And Jude felt awkward about this development. She sensed Darry felt it too. Especially, she found herself bumping into him when she knew all along she didn't need this closeness. It would only bring her grief.

There was loss, yet a gain. She disliked it when she found herself dreaming about Darry. Her Darry, not the Darry she hung out with. Not the guy she picked up from work. Of course, this was a delicate matter to keep from her mother as well. But Jude needed to know. Where in the hell was Connor?

"Connor!" 

Jude heard the echo from Junie's hospital room, and it made her skin crawl. Was Junie having nightmares about him? Jude found herself lurking in the hospital hallway. She didn't really want to make her presence known, especially, to Junie. She hated being alone like this. There was a fear that a nurse might come by and ask if she was waiting to see her sister.

Jude leaned against the wall, hugging herself, but a shiver shook through her, wondering what she was trying to prove, even being here. Of course, she came because of someone else.

Darry surprised Jude with a bubble tea. She took it, wanting to say thank you, but she couldn't. It was as if Junie might hear them.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, you know, " Jude's face tensed. "That Keegan guy is there. She keeps calling  him Connor."

Darry nodded as he sipped on his Earl Grey while he'd gotten her a lavender-flavored drink. It seemed he knew a lot of favorite things now. He knew she only ate chicken tenders or chicken nuggets, never burgers, and she was an onion rings girl.

She looked at him, thinking she couldn't give him up. Maybe it was best to stop thinking about Connor when she knew he was trouble. And she had to find a way so that her mother wouldn't think Darry was trouble, either.

And solitaire is the only game in town

"It's going to take a while," Junie's mother said to Mattie about Junie getting back to her old self. "She doesn't remember anything."

"Not even us?" Mattie tensed as if she couldn't even imagine what Junie might be going through.

"Oh, the doctors seem to think it'll happen. She can do so much. I mean. She can write. She can speak. She's going to be OK. It's like she's blocked some things out." Her mom made it sound as if it were temporary, but that temporary would take time. It overwhelmed Mattie. After all, she was Junie's cousin. She thought of her as a little sister. She couldn't help but break down into tears. 

Her mother was crying too. "I don't know how to be optimistic anymore," Junie's mother sighed. "I mean, I'm grateful. Still, I don't know if we are really out of the woods. Junie is still sleeping a lot. She doesn't want to talk to me. And..and I know it's all my fault."

"Have you contacted her father?" Mattie felt that might help. She knew Junie didn't really know him.

"Why would I do that?" It looked as if it would pain her to call him, even on the phone.

"Then, why don't you let me, he needs to know." Mattie sniffed back tears.

"But."

"Look, no one would ever tell me about my own father. As if it were the end of the world. But it wasn't." Mattie was serious.

"Oh, God," her aunt said under her breath. She sniffed back tears, too. "I just- I just can't. OK?" Her voice rose with emotion as she blinked tears. "Wasn't like he was ever around when I needed him, and when he was, I thought he was going to kill us." Her jaw clenched. Junie's father was bipolar. 

"Well, maybe he's changed now." Mattie was straight-lipped. "Just let me contact him for you. If he doesn't care. He doesn't care."

"Mattie, can you stop wanting to help so much?" 

Mattie knew she hit a nerve, but still, she knew it was the right thing to do.

The feeling amplified

 

There was a sense that he was there, but it wasn't Connor.

She knew he had abandoned her. Junie knew. But still, she was in such a fog. Or was life just a dream?

A part of her didn't want to go back, but there were unanswered questions. She just wasn't sure she could find them. Not now. Not after she'd been a fool. Was that all she was to her family? To Darry? All because of Connor. 

Still, a heat of passion smoldered. She wanted to know, but she didn't want to have her doubts either.

But someone was here. Someone she knew who was close to her, who was anything but Connor. She didn't know who he was, but it didn't matter. It didn't really matter after all. 

Memories came and went. She'd never really been a priority. And she lived with it because all she'd ever known was to be a latchkey kid with a television for a babysitter. And the Internet. But her family was never big on phone plans, so she hadn't really been addicted to social media like today's kids. Never had a Facebook account. She'd yearned for Instagram, but that hadn't been as great as she'd anticipated. 

And then she'd met a stranger at the coffee shop. Crazy kid, who did things like that? Certainly, not her generation. Yeah, there was Amy who knew all. Damn, if she didn't forget that old friend in all that had happened. She hadn't even come to the hospital to see her. She would know her voice anywhere.

Junie wasn't sure she wanted to come back. What was there for her? She knew. She knew everything, at least, momentarily. Then Poof.

Like a clean slate, perhaps.

"Con..Connor?" She sputtered, tangled in a web of lifelines that kept her heart in rhythm.

The face looked ashamed as if he could not bear to tell her the truth. Yet, he was her last hope.

"Connor!" She took a good look at his big eyes, big nose, a rat's nest of curls. Still, he looked quite sad.

Funny, how the only words to curse from her lips were "Connor." 

I just know I can be better

 Keegan knew he wasn't wanted around here, or was he? At first, that guy Darry, who was evidently important to Junie, questioned him. And that twin of Junie's. Was she a sister, perhaps?

Keegan didn't ask. He knew it might not have been the best idea to show up at the hospital, but he felt the need to know. Was Junie ever going to be all right? 

When he first showed up, they all went out for coffee since it was painstaking, waiting for someone to wake up. And Darry was nice enough. 

"Are you two dating?" Keegan got up the nerve to ask while they had gone from one waiting room to another just to find a vending machine with coffee and snacks. At least it was cozy at the hospital, but Keegan wasn't one to go to the hospital, until now. 

They both cracked up as if Keegan were such a funny guy. Of course, they didn't tell him anything. He should have expected it. And the days got warm, Keegan made his way back. Darry and that girl were still there.

Finally, it felt like a touch of spring in the air, and when Keegan went to ask about Junie at the nursing station, Darry and company were not there. It felt a bit unusual, but then another day or two went by, and no Darry. Keegan was beginning to wonder if he was the only one. Did anybody else care about Junie?

Once, he did get to meet her brother KC, who thanked him for finding Junie. KC was with Junie's mother, who looked so small and unfortunate. Keegan found himself crying with her as if maybe it was just a contagious bug going around. Later, he thought he might really be sick with a bad cought so he missed about a week of visits. 

And then he woke up to snow one morning, out in the country farmhouse. It was like a sign. He got ready, dug his little car out of the snow, and warmed it up for the drive into town. Junie just had to be awake.

But she wasn't. This made Keegan bitter. Wasn't God listening? Did he need to go back to his OCD? Walk around the house at least five times before he could go to bed to make sure the place was locked up and thoughts of Junie on the mend. Maybe he could go up and down the flight of stairs continuously at the hospital, hoping this would somehow wake Junie. Anything was possible. But Keegan always felt he was never trying hard enough in life to will anything.

Finally, after his long legs couldn't take any more and he almost passed out in the waiting room before he could find enough change for a cup of coffee in the vending machine, a nurse came.

"Are you Junie's family?"

Keegan looked at her bug-eyed with a nod. The nurse said she was awake. He followed her down the hall. He was practically in a sweat, even if he looked out the gigantic window, exposing the outside world of snowy roads and dark grit. He found himself shivering, and when he saw Junie, she didn't look awake.

The nurse left them alone. All Keegan could do was bite his bottom lip. He knew he shouldn't get too close, but he stared at her as if he was waiting for her move in this odd game. He scratched the back of his head, thinking he could sit awhile and just sleep. Maybe that's all she needed. Someone, in the room with her.

"Hey..I mean hi." His voice carried. Keegan didn't like the sound of it. It must have been a false alarm, but her hand reached out and touched his fingers on the metal guard rail of the bed.

She mumbled something. It sounded like it might be his name.

"Yes?"

She grabbed his fingers. Then his hand. She wasn't letting go. It startled Keegan. Suddenly, he felt like he might be a hostage.