Dark twisted fantasy turned to reality

 

Melissa's baby would be born in May, earlier than expected. It was a girl. 

Riley knew it upset Sterling the most, yet she was in total shock about it herself. There was still paperwork to settle everything with the adoption. Sometimes, it felt endless. But it was going to happen, Tessa kept telling her this every day, and they were hand in hand getting ready for the baby's arrival.

Sure, she loved calling Em to rant about the situation. She was certain by now Em and Yuki wouldn't want to see them, but they always found time to be supportive, even if it was just dinner with friends.

It was great to spend time with Brandon and Declan from time to time. Still, she felt they needed to be supportive of Tess' younger brother who was the father of Melissa's baby.

"Are you sure you can maintain the distance in all of this?" Brandon asked after one of their dinners with Em and Yuki.

"What do you mean?"

"I dunno, this feels so involved, like extended family and you know, Melissa?" He shrugged. Brandon was like a brother Riley never had. It was good to talk to him, but she wasn't certain she wanted to talk about her ex Melissa now. Riley was married to Tessa and it was a blessing. She knew Melissa was history. Her history, but it was a new chapter, adopting Melissa's baby with Sterling.

"Well, we don't talk. I just hear what's going on through Tess and Sterling," Riley hugged herself about the matter. Yes, it was complicated, but she felt it could happen. 

"See, you two need to talk," he said about Melissa.

"I can't," Riley shook her head, no. 

"OK," Brandon said he understood. He remembered it was a bad breakup. Riley couldn't help but swell with tears.

"I..I was the one who always wanted a baby, and then this.." It still choked her up to talk about how everything unraveled with Melissa and then this happened.

Brandon told her if this didn't work out, then he would help them in any way he could to start a family.

Riley smiled, but she didn't want to need him.

Why is it always you and never me?

 "I know I shouldn't make all this with my Mom sound so blue," Alfie told Gage over brunch at the Coffee Shop. "I feel so tired lately, you know."

"Oh?" Gage waited to hear Alfie say more, but he didn't. "Well, Carson's still in the basement." Gage sipped his iced tea. Honestly, it felt winter had frozen them in time. Although it was warming up, even if the wind from the north was cold. They were in a fire zone, and yet, a flood warning too. It was confusing. A lot like the on again, off again situation with Carson and his wife. 

"Isn't that where you want him to be?" Alfie nibbled on a broccoli piece he didn't eat from his quiche.

"Yeah, I think that's the best place for him," Gage nodded. "I know I upset him, sometimes, I don't mean to, but all he does is whine about Brit..and I said maybe it was time for him to move on...maybe find someone who really appreciates him." Gage practically rolled his eyes. "Brit's got him in such a state. I mean, here he is trying to be the provider, but that's not enough. She wants him taking care of the kids every night of the week, and some of those nights he's either on call or at the ER working."

"Sounds dreadful," Alfie murmured, leaning his cheek into his hand with a bored expression. 

"I'm worried about you, Alf," Gage gazed at him thinking he might be seriously ill, as sleepy as he looked.

"Me? What about you?" He dropped his hand and scowled back at Gage. "I'm fine. I don't sleep as well as I used to."

"Why is that?" Gage wanted to know while Chili came by to fill up his glass with fresh tea. She offered them a brownie to try. Gage even cut it as if they both needed to cut calories.

"Oh, you know," Alfie squinted hard. "It's all that stuff you gotta do to make sure it's the right time, for you know..that baby thing."

"Oh." Gage nodded as if he'd know, but he really didn't. "I think you two just need to relax." He shrugged. Of course, he wished Caron and Brit would relax too.

Our love is like a big blue wave

 Naoki wished he knew how to cheer her up. Of course, she was sad when he met her all those years ago at the airport. Yes, Tammy was a lifesaver even if she didn't believe it. He'd been left at the airport when he was all of four. She'd been the one to find him and to take care of him. 

He didn't know the whole story—her story because he didn't really know his own. He'd always called her Ma. And they were still together, even if she said he should move out to be on his own. He was in no hurry. He had a college degree in finance, and the job paid well, but he was in no hurry to leave. 

"You might go back to Hawaii, then what?" Naoki questioned when they were fussing about what to eat at home.

"No, I won't. It's too expensive there," she'd say.

"It's expensive, everywhere." 

But soon enough, they'd make fried rice and eat what she wasn't supposed to. She would chill with her wine and sometimes, he'd catch her mumbling about someone. Someone he didn't know.

"Why don't you go see these people you keep talking about?" He'd squint with a pout.

"What people?" She would look at him as if he was pulling her leg.

"Oh, Ma, why can't you say?"

That was the way the conversation went. Again and again. If he could just figure it out. "What if they come looking for you, huh?"

"They wouldn't?" She'd crack a smile and go on with eating.

"Just because we're in West O, and they aren't?" Naoki had a feeling they were around. Whoever they were. Family, he guessed. 

She would shut down and not say another word. But other times, he could hear her talking in her sleep. Yes, she talked about them a lot, but it felt like a dead end.  He knew he could do his research at work, but he was afraid too. Because she was his Ma and he liked it that way. Naoki wanted to be the only family she needed. He'd see to it she could retire without any great stress. He'd be the only son she'd ever need.

Boy with a broken soul, heart with a gaping hole

 The first time she watched the video she laughed. It was so cute. In fact, she found her son irresistible. She watched it two more times before she wept. And then Tammy cried every time she saw it. How could she have done this to him? Why had she done this to Boone?

Yes, she'd listened to his calls. Talking about himself. How he wanted to meet her. But she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. It was done so long ago. It was for the best. It wasn't that she meant to be an awful person. But it just hadn't worked out with his father..and..and she wanted him to have a better life. 

God knows, how she was with Alfie. It was hard even then. Yes, she was mad, she was angry. Why couldn't she make lemonade out of the lemons that life gave her? She tried her best. It was all she could do to survive back then. She knew he hated her. She would hate her too. Boone felt the same.

She cried about it every night. It was like that, keeping her up a good portion of the night. She'd catch a couple of hours and be as good as new for the next day. She guessed she faired well with the cooperation. Somehow they could count on her, even now. Even after she had three glasses of red wine for dinner and was needed back at work. She was always in check. 

Naturally, she hadn't made it big. She knew she was too old for such a concept now. Everyone started asking at the office, when she would retire. "Well, not this year, if I can help it."

A part of her felt quite stupid. She thought of back when she started and the only questions she'd get, "Can you make coffee?" The copier was her first friend. She learned to fix all the things with it that no one else had time for. Yes, she did most things from scratch, but she was diligent and she was there for most times no one else would be. Somehow, Tammy sufficed even if her marriage didn't. 

But now, all the tears came back. She fought them far too long. She'd been overseas for awhile, but was now back in the states. Yes, the life that she knew was ending soon, but there was the retirement and the savings. Maybe she could get by OK. 

She smiled. She cried. She was happy to see her boy. He was getting married. Such a cute pair they made. Did they not know what was in store for them? 

She remembered the boys' father. Oh, he was such a hunk. She still didn't know why he stood next to her that night at the bar, but it was enchanting and surprisingly magical...at least for the first week or two. Maybe it was good as gold until they married and graduated college, Tammy now assumed. She didn't know where it went so wrong. 

They were so mean to each other. He wanted to live in Kansas City, but she'd found work in Omaha. She knew they couldn't go the distance, but he was so certain of it. Oh, he always knew best. Before she had Alfie, he'd already left her for someone else, but then he came back. Something about his anxieties which lead to her anxieties. It was hopeless. 

She remembered it like yesterday when they saw each other again. He made her feel it was like the first time, but it wasn't. Not for the long haul. 

Now, she felt numb inside, thinking what a horrible person she'd been. Giving Boone up. She wanted to call him Robbie. Oh, if he only knew. It melted her into a puddle. She knew this must have made her blood sugar over the moon, but when she checked it, it was only 130, which was practically the norm for her blood sugar these days. Yes, it was a little elevated, but not horrible.

Oh, she needed to delete Boone's video, but that was all she had. She sniffed back tears even more. She just wanted to stay in her room.

"Ma! Ma! Come here! You know that nurse on St. Denis looks a lot like you," called Naoki from the livingroom.