I'm not Audrey

It was true there was a lot Jane couldn't be honest about with Asa.

Besides, he didn't need her excess baggage. And it was best to keep him away from it. Not expose him to what was left at home, like the guy who was still hung over at her place. Duncan was more of a nuisance than anything.

But they had a lot more in common than she'd ever have with Asa, who was, most definitely, out of her league. She knew that the second she saw him.

She met Duncan at a support group. Actually, it was for folks, like herself, only it wasn't for grieving. It was about living with herpes.

Actually, he was a blast from the past. It was never a good idea to hook up with the beer truck guy from where she worked. It was so long ago. She didn't expect him to remember her. Of course, he thought she was Audrey and half the time when they were together he always referred to her as Audrey. Thus came the comeback line from time to time, "I'm not Audrey."

So it was good to worry about Asa's problems not her own. Besides, they were just friends. Although, at the moment she wanted to say, "You watch the kids so I can take a long luxurious nap." But she would not say things like that to Asa. She would not use him.

They'd get back to their own lives soon enough and maybe he'd seriously think about online dating. There was a whole world out there for him. Besides, she was sort of stuck with Duncan. Even if there were long lapses of not seeing him.

Actually, he filled her regular pro-type of the kind of guy she would be stuck with. He was drunk much of the time. Usually, he was pretty easy to handle. He wasn't totally bitter. Yet he did have a few suicidal tendencies from time to time. Hopefully, he'd still think it was Christmas when she got back. She'd make up something. He'd be happy with the cigarettes she got him.

"See, this is what happens, Harper when you have togo off to the reservation to meet up with an old flame." She ranted quietly in the bathroom on the phone with him, away from Asa hoping he wouldn't think she was this one trick that anyone could figure out. Harper was practically the only father figure in her life. She guessed he was possibly too young for the job, but he had loved her mother.

She felt a melt down coming. Matt knew of Duncan too. It was something he held against her from time to time. He never really believed Mattie could be his. Of course, it was the disease that made it worse.

How could she have let everything go to pieces like this? So much was going for her. And now the holidays.

Her face dripped with distress. Her throat choked up. She was going to be sick. But no way could she stay with Asa.

"Are you, all right." Asa was banging on the bathroom door now. Mattie was starting to cry.

"Yeah, just fine." She opened the door. Her eyes red. "I was just thinking..thinking..about my own Mom. How..how I wished I could have made things right with her." She sniffed away the tears and cleared her throat. "I miss her. I really do. I just don't want it to be that way with you ..and..and your Mom."