cold nights without warm hearts

Honestly, Derrick thought he might be coming down off some high. Maybe. He didn't know exactly what it was that made him a little shaky now. But he wanted it to stop. He wanted it to go away.

He was here at Camille's. He didn't even know how he got here, exactly. He wasn't sure if he were really forgetting things as of late. It was just, he didn't want to think about it, as an illness.

Derrick pulled his messy hair back into his head thinking he might really need to see someone. But if he did, he didn't know what he could say, because it all felt a lot like a bad dream now. Not real. He wanted to tell Camille, everything. He really did, but what would she think?

He'd punched Hansen good. Really good. Derrick kind of admired himself, a little. Yes, they'd had it out. Derrick was mad and he didn't feel so good, but he went with it. It was all so quick. Right there in the back parking lot at the grocery store, in the cold and gray ice.

It was a moment he'd felt so alive, putting Hansen in his place. Of course, he hadn't hit Hansen's face, and he'd driven away from it, leaving Hansen on his own in the snow. It was more like a dream, sometimes. Yet there was this certain feeling of accomplishment. He remembered how he'd told Hansen he was wrong about Daisy and he should shut up, if he knew what was good for him. Derrick supposed now, he'd threatened him.

For awhile Derrick acted as if it didn't happen. He'd been really sick. He never wanted to be that kind person, ever again. But things changed as soon as he found out about Sunny and that guy at the dance. Then to have Fish confirm his suspicions about Zac and the love that had made him so miserable. He just couldn't help it.

He was so mad. So angry. The things he said to her, still bothered him. He didn't really know he could be like that.

Sunny had been so happy to see him too. At her house. But not for long. He told her how he felt about her. How could she have made him a fool? Who did she think she was?

He didn't want to think of all the words he said now. He told her he felt nothing for her. Nothing at all. He told her she was already dead to him.