uncertain force

Shan's heart was still racing. He wished he could calm down, but he couldn't.

At least Fish was home. Home alone, sort of. Keegan was with him. Fish was holding the baby who's legs were locked around him.

"Why are you babysitting all the time?" Shan winced hard, thinking he could never spill his guts with a baby around.

"Oh, my sister ..needs her rest." Fish told him. "Remember she's going to have a baby."

"Already?" He thought that was weird. He sighed. "Sorry." Still he felt a little off. He didn't mean to be.

"It'll be OK." Fish told him.

"I don't think so." Finally, he realized they weren't talking about the same thing. Keegan kept staring at him with a half eaten cookie in his mouth. Shan stared back. Finally he decided he might need a hug from Keegan to calm him. He had to stop thinking what went down with Henry.

So he sat down with Keegan in his lap on the couch. Keegan offered him part of the soggy cookie but Shan said, "No thanks."

"If..if this is about you and Henry-"

"It is." Shan looked at Fish startled. "Something's wrong. Something..is not right." He shook his head. He felt so tired. He felt as if he'd ran for his life, getting away from Henry. And to think he'd only gone to Henry's house for some help with his term paper. Shan made sure Fish knew this.

"Don't tell me." Fish backed away as if he didn't want to know.

"Please," Shan's eyes pooled with tears. He hadn't meant to plead so hard. "He smelled funny."

"How funny?" Fish scowled as if that was the oddest fact to bring up.

"Just weird. Kind of hospital weird. I guess. I dunno." Shan just took it as his intuition to not stick around. "Like death. I guess."

"Where is he?" Fish looked to the door as if Henry might barge in.

"At his house." Shan wasn't sure if he wanted Fish to know, everything. He looked at Keegan, thinking he wouldn't want his little ears to hear everything either. "He wanted to do something." This was a territory Shan never brought up with Fish. Sex. "I mean, its like the middle of the day. And his Dad's home. Can you imagine that? For starters?" Shan scowled with disgust.

Fish bit his bottom lip. He took back Keegan and went to get him another cookie. This time Fish got Keegan a cup of juice.

"Are you all right?" Fish wanted to know.

"No. Not really." His left arm was a little sore. His shoulder ached too. It was ridiculous when he thought about it. How he didn't give in. He didn't give Henry what he wanted, but Henry was so hyper. It wasn't like him at all. "I ..I just had to leave." Shan hugged himself tighter. It was the first time he'd ever been afraid of Henry.