this'll be the death of me

Dorian wasn't sure how much longer he could do this. He was dragging, lately.

He couldn't say it was running the coffee shop because there was plenty help from Lena. He really appreciated having Lena for a work wife. She was great with customers. A quick study. He couldn't have asked for more.

But it was this other life, that he had himself running ragged. And he might be making himself sick. He was coming down with a sore throat, maybe even a fever.

If he wasn't sneaking off to see Ruben at two in the morning, it was checking off the list of everything wedding for Jason. He could hardly keep up.

He'd go to bed with Lena, showered and ready, nap a couple of hours, get up and go to Ruben's who was happy to see him.

Honestly, he hadn't meant for it work out this way. Someone could keep him awake for the rest of the night. But who was there to tell him it was a bad idea? What would his friends think? If they found out he'd given Ruben another chance.

He thought he might be the worst human on earth, but he needed this with Ruben. It was quite possibly the worst secret he'd ever kept. OK, maybe not, but it was hard to be sure if it was the emotional toll that was hitting him hard, or a goddamn cold.

Dorian had a coughing fit. He coughed into his arm and then his shirt.

"Are you, OK?" Lena asked.

Dorian couldn't say. He'd lost his voice.

"You, really have to stop all this running." Lena warned him, as it was quiet at the moment.

Dorian nodded with a cough.

"Are you running all night?" She winced with concern. "You, aren't even home at four in the morning."

Dorian winced back. How could he tell her? It would be totally disgusting to crawl back in bed with someone, after you had sex with someone else. Actually, he really did sleep better with Lena. Ruben was clingy and he never slept clothed. At least, Lena didn't hog the bed. He usually had sweet dreams about their favorite show, The Beautiful People, when he was with her.

Dorian coughed so much his head hurt. His throat felt so raw. But he looked up when the door jingled. Ruben was here, and he didn't even have the voice to talk to him.