thinking it over

Of course, Ian was happy to see Lola, but it was awkward. He was beginning to think it was a mistake, inviting her to the wedding. She was actually his only invite. Besides, it was all so casual. Just a bunch of folks Jama's father knew, the regulars at the pub. Of course, Liz would be there as well as Rufus, who was actually doing the ceremony.

Beggars couldn't be choosers, Ian supposed. It was Liz's idea. It took Ian by surprise, but Jema seemed pleased. It was going to be a party.

As it was, he didn't exactly get to visit with Lola, but she and Ash had a room just down the hall from where he and Jama would be living above the pub. Ian wished he knew what to do. He wanted to talk, but there was so much going on. A Hen party to see to. At least, he'd had his bachelor thing last week. Jama's dad was feeling up to it. And it was just the old timers. But the Hen party, well Liz was in charge. Lord knows, what that might be about.

So after, Jama went to sleep, Ian went down to the kitchen, he couldn't sleep. It was hard to say why. Maybe when one ran a pub, they never slept. Or it was a bad feeling that he hadn't exactly talked any of this over with his Dad nor his brother Eric. He definitely felt as if he were lost at sea. In fact, maybe it swallowed him up and spit him out in some other world. Was this exactly where he should be?

He wanted this to be the right answer. But was this exactly what he wanted?

Ian puttered around, trying to check for supplies and the like. He knew he should leave it alone. If the worst came, they'd shut down the pub for a few days and actually go to the shore for a quickie honeymoon.

"You're up," said a quaint voice. Ian turned from the pantry to see it was Lola in her pajamas with barefeet on the very cold cement floor.

"You'll catch a chill." Ian told her right away.

"My feet are always hot. Its OK." She told him.

Ian nodded. What a subject to talk about. Lola, to come all this way from the states, and they'd talk about feet.

"So, how's married life?" He wanted to know.

"OK." She couldn't help but shrug with a smile. "Ash's Mum really loves me. I'm beginning to think she wasn't ever counting on him bringing home a girl." She crossed her arms then. "Of course, my mom's being a real pain. I didn't think she'd care. I mean, I go all of my life with her hardly saying much at all to me, and then I do this one BAD THING, according to her, and well, I'm shunned. Or something like it. Honestly, it doesn't feel all that different from before with her. Its like she  has a new excuse to be indifferent with me." She paused then. "What I'm saying...is, don't try to please people, you do what's right in your heart."

Ian gave her a quick smile, although, he felt as if there were missing pieces to the puzzle. He wanted everything to fit in nicely.

"I should have at least told Eric about the wedding." Ian sighed as if that was what mattered. He thought so. Yet, deep down, Ian was going to be father. And he did want to be Jama.

He hated being in this limbo. Just when he thought he might know a way out, he felt deeper in doubt than ever before.

"He knows." She sighed.

"What?" Ian winced.

"I saw Oliver. Oliver told Eric. Eric called me." Lola finally explained.

"He didn't call me." Ian looked hurt, but then again, he hadn't called Eric, either, because he knew he'd get an earful..making him feel worse.

"Stop worrying, and ..and enjoy your wedding." Lola told him as Ian put on the kettle and got out a slab of cheese cake.