riding the waves

Carson didn't want to think about what his father said about Essie. Was he sure that was over?

He hated opening a can of worms. He didn't like to rock the boat, but Charlie was here and she was staying at Mitch's now and working at the grocery store. Granted, the hours were bad. She'd have to be at the bakery at 4 in the morning. He was afraid he'd never get to see her, but here he was at her place bringing her few things she might need to make a place a home.

It did feel a little strange giving her a bookshelf that Essie had practically made. But he'd brought along a basket with flannel pajammas, soaps, hair products and lotion. He supposed he went overboard, but it was for Charlie. He hated to think of her ever being in an orange jumpsuit in prison.

"I just hope everything will be OK." He said it again. Still, it was hard to think of her as a mother to anyone.  But he'd seen for a fact that she did love her daughter.

"It will." She didn't seem sad about anything. But when he thought of her in jail now for something she didn't even do, he felt as if he need her to be happy.

Of course, the room, looked rather bare. And a guy room at that.

 Mitch was with Nico. They were out shopping. They were going to make dinner.

"I never thought I'd see you, again." Carson said the words he thought he would never say. But he didn't care. He took both her hands and looked at her as if he wanted this sight of her to stay with him. Always.

He didn't have these sort of feelings for Essie. He wanted too. He tried.

"Yeah, you were the last person I ever expected." She smiled as if maybe she felt it, too. She closed her eyes and he kissed her.  Trying to remember how perfect it was then. Although, it wasn't. Maybe at the beach..in another world. But this was now. And yes, it lingered.

It was so easy to let everything unfold with her, and it did even on a bed that wasn't quite that firm, but still they rolled into something and he didn't want to wake up.

"You know, how important Lily is to me." She finally, let go of the kisses he wanted to build into something else.

"I know." He looked at her, knowing she needed to be in Lily's life. He wouldn't take that away from her.

She kissed him then, and he was glad she did. Yes, he wasn't going anywhere. This was right where he wanted to be.

Essie just about came unraveled. She couldn't believe Carson would break up with her in a text.

Oh, she could feel it coming. It was going to happen. She'd sensed it for some time now, but she was busy. There was always something to do, at every turn, for Bro. Jacob.

First it was her parents offering her time to the new preacher. Then it was a mission of some sort. Getting ready for this presentation and that program. Seriously, the young preacher did not know how to work many of the software programs that Essie could do in her sleep.

Yes, it was all her doing to make him look good and even righteous in a slide show at every sermon.

A part of her started to question who he really was. Or was it herself? Maybe she was the biggest liar of all and now suddenly was the breaking point. Carson thought it best if she went solo.

Well, hadn't she always gone solo? She thought then as she let his text roll around in her dizzy head. Still, she was physically ill. Why had she let it happen?

She gritted, thinking this was all life had to offer. Keeping busy for the lord.

Well, she didn't feel it. She was numb. Actually, she felt like a shell of a vessel that might as well be a ghost.

What was she doing in this place, anyway? She looked around in the empty space that would be filled with a congregation of some sort by evening. Essie needed to pick of pace, take up the slack. And then like a bitter pill, it consumed her.

She knew the truth. She knew what she'd done. She shook her head, trying not to remember, trying not to ever let it happen again..

No, she needed to make an exit. She need to go. It was true. Carson would never want her,anyway. If he knew.