if that's not enough

 "I just don't know," Xander was still trying to keep Simon from going forward with Steve. "Just can't you be friends with him?" After all, Xander reminded Simon he'd never dated a guy. Maybe it just wasn't the right thing to do.

"Yeah, I know what you're getting at," Simon understood, but in his heart, he knew what he wanted. It wasn't easy being with a guy like Steve. But it would be worth it. Simon was certain of it.

"Love isn't love until you give it away," Xander reminded him.

Simon looked at him blankly and then winced. He went on to eat the summer salad his brother prepared just for the two of them. It was as if his brother didn't want anyone to know what the two of them were discussing.

Of course, as Simon bit into a strawberry, he tried to let it sink in, but it felt impossible to know exactly what his brother was talking about.

Xander talked about Ivy coming home. Had he seen her? She was now staying in the same building where Simon lived.

Simon shook his head no. He hadn't felt like it. He would. Eventually. Possibly. But being friends with Ivy was like a lifetime ago. He hardly knew her now and wasn't sure he really wanted too.

"But, she's been through so much," Xander mentioned he had some food made up to take to her. They could probably use the fruit and veg he'd picked up at the farmer's market. As it was, he didn't get out much to visit people these days.

Simon looked at him out of the corner of his eye. Just what was his brother getting at? Was he not caring enough? Was that what Xander meant?

Simon sighed thinking he was evidently selfish and ugly and everything else. Why even try?

It was really hard being a good person naturally. Even money couldn't buy that. To be thoughtful and reasonable were two things Simon felt hard to come by.