Even though my life before was tragic

 

Ste knew they (he and Amira) should talk, but it wasn't easy finding the right time. Sure, they worked together. They did everything together. Actually. And he did like getting to know her. He was happy to be with her every day.

But when it came to bedtime, it wasn't something he wanted to discuss with her. Besides, it was late and they both needed sleep. Actually, he liked the little things with her, like cuddles and wrapped up next to her. Gradually, he could see they were more inseparable and he wanted to keep it that way.

Of course, there was only his brother to talk to about this sort of thing and he didn't really know him that well. Up until now, he'd actually thought Jax was gay, but he'd hit off rather well with Amira's friend Karrie. He'd thought about talking to Jax about it, but decided it wouldn't be worth it. Especially, who he should be talking to was Amira.

"We are good friends," he started after clicking off the TV one night. Still, it was so unsettling to speak of his past. 

"What do you mean," she smiled sitting next to him, looking as if she might miss something on the tube. He sighed.

"We..we never really got around to talking about the past," he said rather quickly. She was quiet and it made him want to squeeze her shoulder even more, hoping he hadn't started the conversation all wrong.

"Haven't we?" She looked up at him, almost in a pout. She laughed into his shoulder then.

Finally, she settled and mentioned. "I know you've been in love."

Ste nodded.

"I suppose," he told her it didn't feel that way in the end. "I guess, I was really in love with her sister, but not her. And..and her sister was with my brother back in England. It's just when I was younger I always felt I could have treated my brother's girl so much better. I guess I thought I could learn from that, watching the two of them in a rather not-so-good relationship. And then she moved back to the states.." He sighed. "Well, it wasn't long after that..that my brother did himself in. And..well, it changed me too." He nursed his bottom lip. Amira hugged him more.

"Well, I was only going to be physical with Macy's sister. I felt almost stuck with her. And..and the fact is she knew a whole lot more physical stuff than I ever did. I don't know if I loved her. It felt I grew to hate her more..the more I knew her." He didn't mean to sound so grim, but it was the truth. Still, when he listened to himself it was like talking about another person. 

He didn't even know if Amira was actually listening. He thought she might be crying.

"You know, I love you, through and through," he was honest. "It's just, I wished I'd met you sooner, sometimes, but then again, I probably would have messed that up." He blinked tears then. "I swear you're like a magic I don't want to mess up."

"You won't," she promised him. "You won't."