She could look at him forever

 It was true, she did have a confusing life. A lot of times, she didn't know her name. But somehow, she always got by even in terrible times. Yes, she'd been left on her own with her step-mother. She knew early on that her step-mother June wanted her out of the picture.

Of course, she tried many times to tell her dad what was going on, but he always looked more confused. Somebody told her he was an idiot and not to bother with him anymore. That somebody was Rita who usually helped her to forget. It was best to let Rita take over.

Everyone in the family always said Lucinda was just like her mother. But they called her Lindy and they wanted her to keep quiet. Of course, they would ask years later why was she a bump on a log? Why didn't she know anything? 

She wanted to read, but nobody thought about that. She wanted to draw but walls were evidently not canvases. She was to mind her manners. A lot of times, she didn't get to eat dinner. A nurse at school pegged her problem as Pica. Lindy tended to eat non-food items, like chipped paint, dirt and rocks. 

Of course, a slap on the back of head was all she got. She needed to stop doing that. Surely, she wasn't autistic. It wasn't long until somebody said she needed to escape. Mostly, it was talk in her head. She couldn't trust her invisible friends. Usually, when they said they'd be there, they weren't. Yet, she'd learned to read over time. She wished she'd write more, but she never had a knack for it and of course, she didn't want anyone to know how it really was.

So Lindy did have vicious cycles. But she was still here. And now she was grown up. Still, it was a tangled web. Especially, living with those personalities in her head. Oh, some came and went. Obviously, some had better things to do, but there was Rita always hanging back. Like a whisper in her ear, "Let me take care of this," So Lindy let her. 

Rita was there the first time her step-uncle touched her in the barn. She didn't really know what it was like to go out with boys, but evidently, Rita did. And then Jay came along.

He left her dazed and confused yet all tingly like there might be a magic she wanted to know. He might as well have been Elvis in her book. He made her smile when he wasn't around. This must have been what it felt like to win the lottery.

But Rita thought differently. She said he was faking it. He felt nothing for her. And as much as Rita talked, Lindy knew she had to believe her. 

Yes, he'd hit her and she'd shut down. It didn't mean she wasn't thinking. She was plotting.  She'd make it right. Yes, with a little help from Rita, Lindy got out at night. Just for an hour or so. No one had caught on at the hospital.

But it didn't sit well with Lindy, what Vanna was up to. Oh, no. That was her Jay after all. And they were in this together.

"So who are you this time?" Jay asked when she showed up.

"Well, who do you think I'd be?" Lindy shut the door behind her.

Jay kept his hands behind his back as if it were a promise. He would leave her alone. Lindy grabbed him by the waist and cried as if he was her anchor after all.

"Just don't let me go," Lindy blurted.

Jay touched the locks of her hair. He finally hugged her with a sigh.