what is coming is better than what is gone

 

Cade couldn't wait to see Mercer after the library closed. Maybe they could pick up where they left off.

No, they needed to talk this out. They needed a heart-to-heart kind of conversation. Something that could settle this for once and for all. But then again, it felt like a game changer. No, he just wanted to go with it. Worry about that other stuff later. Maybe there would be no worries. Of course, his mind was all over the place. He could hardly alphabetize anything. And looking for books for middle schoolers, oh it was one headache after another. Of course, Mercer was hiding the whole time. What was wrong with him?

When it was closing time, it was dark and of course, Brooklyn was there with her dad to pick up Mercer.

Damn, if it didn't make Cade all the more angst. But he did his best to remain calm, trying his best not to be full of whatever this was in his heart and his body. Wanting to see Mercer. It was making him crazy.

Naturally, Mercer didn't look at him. He was all smiles when Brooklyn got there. Even a laugh or two. It made Cade a little squimish, as if he might lash out, but he didn't. He watched them leave together.

Henry asked if he needed a ride home. Cade said he needed some fresh air. Of course, a cold front had rolled in. But he was seething. He needed to be alone. He wanted to understand Mercer. After all, it was what he wanted. Wasn't it?

Cade pressed his lips tight. He didn't want to cry, but the hot tears came anyway. God, how did he become an emotional wreck so suddenly. He texted Mercer.

"Why couldn't we talk this out?" Cade pressed send. He waited. He knew Mercer saw it, but he didn't return a text. 

"Jesus, you can't leave me hanging like this." Cade told him. He walked on home alone. If only Mercer could text something. But he wanted to believe Mercer was thinking too. He couldn't possibly still be with Brooklyn. Could he?

What were they doing? He couldn't help but think they stopped somewhere for ice cream on a chilled night. Maybe coffee? Was Mercer supposed to be drinking coffee? So many things about Mercer was on his mind as he washed up to get ready for bed.

Of course, it always came back to the kiss. Oh, he knew he needed to make it real. His only chance. Last chance it felt. Never had Cade been so bold with anyone. How many times had he wondered when would have been a good time to kiss Mercer? It felt like it had been on his mind for years. And then to  have it happen so unexpectedly during a fight no less.

Cade winced hard. He knew he should stop thinking about him. He set his glasses aside and crawled into bed, thinking why wasn't it still so exciting. It felt as if it was already over. He did his best to calm down. Normally, he let no one trouble him, but this was Mercer.

It was after eleven before Cade got a text. He was thrilled it was from Mercer, yet to learn, "It was only an accident."

"I don't believe you." Cade shot back. Of course, he got nothing from Mercer. "Do you know how long I've wanted to kiss you?" Cade finally confessed. Still silent. "It's always been you. Always."