tears are words that need to be written

 "I don't know what you're waiting for?" Joon thought he heard Niah say, but he might have just dreamed it. Oh, he felt so out of it lately. He wasn't sleeping well. All he could see was that Poppy felt sorry for him. Although, they hadn't had a real conversation about Natalie. He just couldn't bring himself to talk about the mishap. He was certain he might keel over in a tender pain that no one would completely understand. Not even Niah.

"What?" He looked to Niah who brought her pajamas to him. He knew she'd take off everything but her undies before the night was over. She hated sleeping in her pajamas. He told her she could do it. She could dress herself now. She should go to her room and change.

"You have to get Poppy back," she said while she was in the other room. Perhaps he was having a conversation with someone else. Maybe a ghost. He shook the feeling that Natalie might be watching him.

Yes, he'd seen Poppy with Gage. They looked like a couple.

"How can you say that?" He found himself asking Niah, but she didn't say anything back. She was already in bed. Suddenly, he felt as if he might have lost her again. So he went to her room which was lit with an assortment of Disney princess' lights that moved about on the ceiling.

He sat down on the floor and cried. He was certain now he'd never made Natalie happy. Although, he'd always felt she had enough happiness for the both of them. 

"I don't think I can make Poppy happy," Joon said. 

"But you don't have to feel this way," Niah said. He wasn't certain she said it. Maybe it was Natalie.

He wiped a tear away with the back of his thumb and cleared his nose. Just his luck he was coming down with a cold.

About then he thought heard a soft knock on the door. Joon sighed. Maybe it was on someone else's door, but it came again. He sniffed back tears and got up. He shut Niah's door behind him and went barefooted to the door. He was just in an old sweater, trusty gray tank and sweatpants.

It was Poppy.

"Are you OK?" She asked.

He nodded, but he knew she didn't believe him. She came in. It was as if she knew where everything was in his home now. She went to plug in the kettle. 

"Gage is just a friend," she told him. "I think he was nervous to be there. I don't mean to make people nervous. It's not like I'm Taylor Swift or anything."

"Taylor Swift?" He didn't get it.

"You know, like I'm only wanting to date you so I can break up with you and then write a song about how awful you are." She softly laughed, and Joon felt himself smiling as if he felt slightly underdressed. He went to find his slippers while she made herbal tea. 

"I think Gage thinks you're a better dad than he is," she then told him.

"Why is that?" Joon sat down and looked at her blankly.

"He lives at home with his mom and step-dad. His son is a little older than Niah." She nodded.

"Well, I doubt I'm doing anything right," he sighed. "Niah's never met my mother."

He finally took a sip of the hot apple tea. He felt wide awake now. It felt as if the tea might be having the opposite effect.

"What happened to Natalie?" She said it like she might be ready to give him a powerful vaccine of some kind to welcome him back into the world.

"It was..it was an overdose." He could barely breathe when he said. "I didn't even know-" He thought he might be shaking as he spilled into tears, but Poppy came around and hugged him as if it was a beginning of a good cry and she cried with him.