I hate where my mind goes

 

Melissa didn't know why she did it. Of course, she didn't move to Kansas City.

"Why would you tell them that?" Her sister Victoria looked hurt that her big sister was a liar.

"I couldn't help it," Melissa's forehead wrinkled in thought. They'd all met up at their parents for the holiday.  Her little sister was practically a pharmacist and Melissa was pulling holds at the university library circulation desk. She was a library clerk in Lincoln. "After..after seeing Riley with that..that Tess. I had to act like I was doing well."

Instead, she was sharing a small apartment with a guy she hardly knew. He worked at the campus too. They were within walking distance to their jobs. No way would she mention Sterling. Maybe he was the one who kept her there. She knew she rocked his world and it was tantalizing. She almost grinned, yet she was certain Victoria who had a husband and baby would find her summer fling to be pathetic.

"Are you sure that's all it is?" Victoria wanted to know more. "Can I come sometime?"

"No!" Melissa snapped as she hugged herself. Honestly, she wanted to get back to Sterling. It was all so annoying being here with everyone, who secretly loathed her, and yet she secretly loathed how it was all supposed to be.

Her parents were used to Riley by now. They'd expected good news, not a falling out. What was the matter with Melissa? Couldn't she just be happy?

Yes, she probably gave up the best job she ever had. It was like starting over, but it was a sacrifice to keep the peace. She didn't want to make things worse for Riley. Some days, she remembered  how great it had been with her former lover. 

Truly, Riley cared for her. And there was a time, Melissa adored her from the way she smiled, how she found everything an adventure with her. But Melissa knew even now she did not have that look in Tess's eyes when she was with Riley. Yes, they were in love. A deep love.

Melissa supposed she trudged in the shallow waters of romance. She'd never let herself fall in deep. Perhaps she was just selfish.

"Look, you're still in love with Steve, aren't you?" Melissa thought they were the perfect couple.

"Yes, but he gets so stressed," Victoria said. "he's a good father. I just wish we could have a vacation sometime. We can never get away, but even if we did, I'd just want us to be home. You know, the three of us." She talked how he'd built a new deck. "I keep thinking he'll call Alfie sometime, ask him and his wife to come down."

"Alfie?" Melissa squinted hard, remembering him was all so fleeting, but he might have been the best she'd ever had if it wasn't for Remi.

"Don't you remember? He got married," Victoria looked at her as if maybe she wasn't right in the head.

Melissa sighed. "Remi got married too."

A squeamish frown gave way. It was as if the world kept turning and Melissa was stagnating in her own life.

"I heard she's pregnant," Victoria still had more friends than Melissa did back home. She assured herself it was best this way. Not to remember the past. Although, she doubted she had a future with Sterling, either.