hot & cold

Dear Diary,

OMG...

I am so inexperienced.

I know Kyle knows it too, but he won't say that. He wouldn't. He's not like that.

But I feel so lost. I don't know what to do. Maybe this is a good thing. I don't know.

Its our little secret. My little secret.

And sometimes I feel I wouldn't be ready to go out with anyone if they asked me, anyway. And they're not. So things are good.

1. not like Kyle can't control himself.

2. sometimes though, its like hot & cold with him. kind of. hard to explain, but maybe its me.

3. we can go hours without any inkling that he's anymore than this guy who sits next to me on the couch playing a stupid video game. OK, he wouldn't call that stupid, but he's there. i'm there. nothing happening.

4. but then it might happen.

He might be my boyfriend.

I haven't told Leia. I'm not. I'm letting her have her fun with Nick. Luckily, she hasn't wanted me to do anything with her, lately. And I haven't made a nuisance of myself being her so called ...envious friend.

Sometimes, I wish I could talk to her about Kyle, but I don't want to. I don't want to tell anyone about Kyle and that makes me mad at myself.

Later,

L