home alone

It was after a lot of studying and waiting and getting the learner's permit that Ellie got back to find Kyle home alone.

"We have to talk?" She told him in the living-room. It just felt off limits for them to ever be in his room or her room, ever again. It was awkward.

"Why?" He was on the phone with Roxie.

"Because we have too."


"I'll call you back in a few, all right?" He told Roxie over the phone. He just gave Ellie a deep sigh, flopped himself on the couch and sighed.

"What?" He then asked.

"You tell me? Tell me how long you've known about my Dad and your Mom."

"I-" he couldn't look away.

"Was it before summer even started?"

"I can't remember?" He shrugged.

"I don't believe you," Ellie looked at him straight on. "Tell me."

He shook his head, no.

"Kyle!" She lunged then and sat right on him and pinched him hard in the chest. "I have to know."

"Ow!"

"Oh, that's nothing, I can take you down, Mr. Smart-Ass!" She crunched him down hard on the couch, held down his arms. "You tell me everything."

"I don't know everything." He squinted, "Just stop! All right."


"You tell me! Now!" She jabbed him in the chest. "I so want to pull your hair out. If you had any on that scrawny chest of yours. I would!" She pushed him down once more with all her might. He wouldn't fight back. She'd like to see him try.

"OK," he sighed.

She got up then.

"God, you got a hard ass." He winced.

"Well thank you," she rolled her eyes. "Spit it out."

"Maybe it was a couple of days or so before you know, you and Rex-"

"God, must you! Just shut up about that!" Ellie had heard enough from her mother to last her a life time. So maybe it was the stupidest thing ever. She was tired of explaining it. Because what was there to explain.

"Well- you said-"

"All right," Ellie tilted her head to one side and stared at Kyle wondering how different things would have been if she hadn't been with Rex, maybe. "You would have still given me the cold shoulder, wouldn't you? No matter what."

"I guess because I knew if-"

"God, you're a crappy friend." She sat down next to him making him scoot over more. Ellie practically sat on him.

"I am not."

"Explain this whole Roxie thing to me, huh? Is that some more of your elaborate faking?" Ellie crossed her arms and turned away.

"I'm not faking."

"Sure you're not." She didn't believe him.

"God, you just don't understand." He got up then and she almost fell across the sofa then. She'd been pushing so hard against his back.

"I think I do. You're trying too hard to get over me." She smirked.

"Selfish much?" He winced. "Who made you the queen? Roxie is my girlfriend! You and I just had a moment that you were too immature to know where in the hell it could have gone. It would have been like you and Rex, except better, of course. But I didn't want to be that guy! Don't you get it? You never love the first guy you fuck!"

Ellie didn't know what to say to that. Could he be right? She winced then, leaving him with his cell phone and Roxie. Ellie flew up to her room and flung the door shut. She hugged her pillow on the bed for the longest time and then decided to call Lonnie.