by your side

Turn around, I am here
If you want it's me you'll see
Doesn't count, far or near
I can hold you when you reach for me

If the world makes you confused
And your senses you seem to lose
If the storm doesn't want to diffuse
And you just don't know what to do
Look around, I am here
Doesn't count far or near

I am by your side
-tokio hotel

Kyle had decided he hated March. He was sure of it. Bad things happened in March. It was a March when his father left his Mom that last time. Well, there were other months he was gone, but he'd always came back. Just not that March.

"So are you holding up OK, you know, everything with Amanda." Roger was all comforting every step of the way from the moment they heard news of Amanda's mother.

"I guess." Kyle had somehow withdrawn perhaps as much as Amanda. He knew she needed time. Only it was something he couldn't set a watch too. "She's OK."

Of course, it had been cold steps. All of it. The weather was frigid in the days that followed. He was sure there would never be a thaw. Winter might be here forever.

Everyone dressed in black. Such nothingness. He did his best to hold her hand and wallow in the silence.

They'd been together that one time after the funeral.Kyle and Amanda. After the last of the apple pie was gone and no one knew what to do with that casserole, tuna surprise, that no one could eat.

It just happened. Keeping warm in a very cold room, perhaps. No words spoken. Just the pureness that it could still happen. And it did happen like a warm liquid strength to get through the days ahead. Except, afterwards there was no guidance nor assurance. All was not lost. He said, "I love you." And he meant it.

***********************

"Thanks," was all Kyle could manage to Roger. "You're a good friend. Honestly, you are." He wished he'd said it before. Why had he waited so long? So much waiting, and for what? Kyle's eyes blurred. Really, he wanted to sleep. A lot. Perhaps he'd slept better if he could have been there for Amanda, but that wasn't the way it worked. Not now. Not at the moment.

"Couldn't you just stay with us, now?" He knew it would be best if Amanda was away from everything. It felt like the right thing.

But she'd shook her head, no. Too many family things.

He did his best not to be clingy. He wanted to be. He did. But he knew where he needed to be. Where he had to be. The Seussathon Musical was going on . And he was there from opening to closing. Hopefully, he wouldn't get sick, meanwhile.