what could it be

Amanda woke up in the middle of the night. She thought she was choking. She looked at the clock. She had to get up in thirty minutes anyway, now didn't she? As she laid there it occurred to her that she could sleep in. Finally. That never happened.

She laid very still on her side then next to Elliot.

Suddenly, she could hear her heartbeat rush through her body as if something terrible was wrong. But it had nothing to do with Rosie. She turned over then and laid on her back trying to breath easily, calmly.

Eric. She cringed at the thought of him.

Why did she do something like that with him? Go off when she very well was supposed to be with the group she was sight seeing with in Italy. She didn't see the sights. She was with Eric. Granted they'd gone off the beaten track. Strolled through a vineyard. Done some shopping, sort of, and ended up on a hostel.

She remembered him asking if she'd ever been to one. She hadn't. He hadn't either. And how had it really happened? It wasn't what she thought it would be like. And she was with him and he was so different. He seemed so sincere like he'd longed for someone from home. God, it could have been anyone. It had been the late afternoon, and they'd kissed. Just kissed. And it was nice. She was a little shocked. Funny, how she'd always wondered if he was really that great. It had caught her off guard. And yet she couldn't help smiling. It was so new.

Amanda didn't want to think about it now. Not now. She was with Elliot now. But she had a feeling she would have never been with Elliot if it hadn't been for Eric. She'd never been with another guy. Kyle was her guy. And it had just gotten so mundane, and she knew what was expected of her and what was expected of him and then Eric was like someone who was very interesting and made her feel so attractive and now it felt so over. So sad. So what.

She got cold chills now as if she'd breathed in a poison of some kind. Amanda jerked herself up and rushed to the bathroom. She couldn't stop one second longer. She threw up in the toilet. There was something familiar the way it happened. Like she should have known what was coming, but she didn't. She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were warm and wet.

She looked at the mess she made. She had to clean it up before Elliot woke up. He didn't need to know.