on the road back

Amanda wasn't sure if she'd even mail the postcard. Did anyone really want to hear from them?

"Of course, they do." Elliot had made a point to get a T-shirt for Rosie and a onesie for Evan. "You know people miss you."

Amanda tried to smile. Still, sometimes, she felt she was walking on thin ice. But here, she was away from all of that. Who she was suppose to be? Here, she was with someone she really wanted to be with. Thankfully, she'd left most that baggage at home. Yet, she knew she had to tackle it, somehow. Only she wasn't going to school this summer. Instead, they had painted the kitchen this new green. And they had re-did their bedroom. Elliot had been busy giving them a new block of shelves on the wall. It was good to stay busy.  Still she missed her friends. But were they ever really her friends? They were Kyle's friends to begin with. And now there was this gap.

She'd met Elliot's cousins and their young families. All that togetherness. She could hardly take it, but she managed.

"I think I'm ready to be home." She finally told Elliot on their last day at Myrtle Beach. Her brother Dan and his partner Dylan were going on some University outing. Dylan was going to be awarded some sort of costume design award. He was now in the drama department at a university, nearby. "I have to get ready for Derrick and Charity." Her little brother and niece were only going to stay a few days. She hadn't seen Charity in quite a while. She was excited yet dreading it at the same time.

"Kyle is bringing over Rosie then, right?" Elliot thought Charity would want to see her.

"Maybe." She wasn't sure she was up for that. Derrick, a middle schooler, did help out with Charity who was almost 8 now. "I guess so."

"Well, they will want to see her." Elliot reminded her.

Amanda tried to smile. She knew this just wasn't about her, anymore. She couldn't be so selfish. But right now, it would be just too much to have Evan around too. She could only handle so much.

"Maybe some evening, Syd and Eric can come over to dinner with the baby." She would try. She would. She supposed she better pick up more T-shirts that advertise the beach. Only Amanda wasn't quite sure what her little brother's size was anymore. Charity was definitely not a baby, either. Her mind begin to think how she could make up some sort of goody basket so they'd want to visit. "We better stop by the library book-sale when we get back. I know they'll have some Harry Potter paperbacks. We should have the whole set, just in case Charity might need them some day."

She didn't want to fake this. Really, Amanda wanted to be a part of her family.