in a tailspin

"Just how many cups of coffee are you going to drink this morning, Babe?" Amanda looked at Elliot so serious. Suddenly, he looked as if his eyes might bulge right out of his head.

"Its nothing." His smile was a bit frail. It wasn't that anything, exactly had happened since Derrick had moved to the basement. It was just a matter of time. And it didn't help that Halloween was in a few days.

"Derrick's doing great at school." Amanda was all positive, even when she brought him to school, the principal had treated her as Derrick's girlfriend instead of sister. It hadn't really donned on Elliot until now that Derrick looked that old. He was just a kid to him. Or was it the fact that Amanda looked so young. Elliot was confused about the matter. Already, he'd felt under the gun at school, as if he might have an under-aged wife. Why did everything have to make him so nervous? What if he couldn't handle it? What if he were the one who needed to be on antidepressants instead of Amanda?

OK, he'd actually tried a few. He didn't tell Amanda, and she hadn't asked. This was getting even more strange, he thought now. What if she wasn't taking her meds?

"Don't get so nervous." She reached for his hand then and he jumped. Possibly, just too much caffeine. He tried to smile. But it was so hard. Everything felt so lousy, lately. It didn't help that his mother was on his back, that he really was letting Amanda take him for a ride. Taking in her brother, and she didn't have a job. How would he ever survive? Some wife she was. His Mom kept insisting he could do better. He could do better.

But he went through the motions. He got on his jacket, found his way to school. Next thing he knew he woke up to third graders pondering the plight of life. It was days like this he pondered he would have been better off as a priest, but he would have to become Catholic first. Always hard work to get where you wanted to go. And at the moment, he wasn't sure where he was.