Thursday, October 7, 2010
it feels like someones missing
"You were so good with them." Amy kept insisting, but he really wasn't interested in being her babysitter now was he?
Ian would try to keep his smile, but it would fade. Suddenly, he'd feel guilty about having fun. He should have been thinking about his mother and why hadn't he stayed with her. Been there until the very end. He would go quiet and think it was best not to be fond of Amy, because technically she had boyfriend who went away to college or so he thought he'd heard somewhere and at some time ...someone saying at school.
He nursed on the cold frozen drink until it just about gave him a headache.
"Hey," she finally touched his hand with her fingers, he saw her spirit blue nail polish. "You know I wanted to go with you to Homecoming. I really did want to ask you."
Some how, it felt like a dream to him as if she'd told him all this stuff before. He nodded as if he knew. He knew the whole story. How she felt sorry for him.
"I don't really dance." What would have been the point? He thought something might be in his eye. He just wasn't sure if he wanted to be here with her. After all. He suddenly felt as if he were some terminally ill kid on his Make a Wish trip. He nursed at his drinking, unsure what she really wanted to hear from him, but she held his hand instead, and suddenly he was very aware of her now. He stared at her hand that took his hand. She smiled. He smiled as if this was simple. What did it mean? Exactly?
Ian finished up. Still, he felt very attached. Awkward. Clumsy, yet here she was dragging him along. Playfully, as if this would be perfect. Totally.
"What about your boyfriend?" He asked once they got to the car. The sweetness of fall had finally set in. It was as if everything was crisp and ready to move forward. Like the chill in the wind.
"What boyfriend?" She winced, leaning in as if she might tackle him on the car.
"You know, Dan. Dan the quarterback." He shrugged.
"He broke up with me on my birthday." She told him.
"Ouch." Ian winced. He didn't know about that.
"Yeah, while you were trying to break up that fight with my sister and her boyfriend, Dan was breaking up with me." She sounded indifferent about it. Like maybe she kicked Dan where it hurt or something.
"Then my sister had to try to kill herself, once again. And, you know. Not my favorite summer." She pressed her lips tight then.
"Sorry." Ian sighed. "Really."
He opened the car door for her. They got ready to go, but she kissed him before he started the car. He guessed she was with Ian the shelver.