letting go

Post #1000

Derrick hadn't really seen any of this coming with Elliot. He didn't know why he'd been so oblivious.

Well, maybe thinking of someone had preoccupied his time lately, and then there was walking dogs and taking care of kitty liter with various people in the neighborhood.

God, he thought, everything was starting to click. He'd found what he'd always been looking for... in Ian. He even had a stinking job, and he liked the basement and yeah, he was going mellow. Then Elliot had to go off the deep end.

"When's he coming home?" Derrick found Amanda alone in the livingroom staring into space on the couch.

"I dunno.." She first said so quietly. "If he will come home." She breathed in tears. He didn't think she could cry anymore than she already had. "He hasn't said. Anything." She coughed into a tissue then.

"He won't talk to you?" Derrick winced. "What is wrong with him?" How could Elliot be such an idiot?

"Maybe he's just tired." She swallowed back phelm and looked at Derrick, red eyed. "Of me."

Derrick gritted then. He shook his head. He wanted to tell Amanda how much he hated him. Elliot was messing everything up, in his perfect world.

"Can I tell you something?" He found himself saying. He'd sworn to Ian that he wouldn't say a thing to anyone about the two of them, but he had too. His sister had to know. This was important to him.

"What?" Her voice cracked as she wiped more tears away.

"I don't want to leave." He pressed his lips tight. "You." He knew it was kind of an after thought. "You need me."

"OK." She was a little out of it, he guessed.

"There's something else too." He waited for her to respond.

"Yeah. What is it?" She kept staring as if she didn't have all day for him to spill it.

"I found someone ...that..that I've never  felt this way before." He knew he couldn't smile about it.

Amanda just nodded.

"Its Ian." He gave her a dead stare.

"Ian?" That gave her a laugh. It was so unexpected.  Derrick winced so hard, watching her laugh and cough for so long. He was afraid she might pee her pants. She really was a lot like their Mom. He almost smiled too.

"Would you stop it!" He was a little hurt by her reaction.

"Are you sure? Does he even know?" She was still cracking up as if he'd done the best April fools joke ever, and it was only January.

"Yes, he knows." Derrick was in a pout now, about it. "You have to take this serious. But you can't tell anyone. Especially, not Dan. I don't want him to know. Don't even let Ian know I told you. Promise?"

"OK." She could barely breathe. She started to shake ever so slightly. He touched her forehead. She was burning up. He grabbed her cell and looked for Asa's number. Maybe he could help.