Monday, May 21, 2012
it was never about me
Nothing was quite on schedule as Asa liked with everyone in the house. There were moments, he didn't want to see August come, anytime soon. It would be a mess. He just knew it. No one was doing a thing around here. Dishes in the sink. Lord knows, when the kitchen floor had been swept.
He got busy, thinking what on earth had happened to Max, lately. He counted on him for the little things, but he was either at work or with Daisy. Derrick was aloof as he ever was. Why did he think anything would change?
A part of him had no time to even think about the baby, and he was sad that he didn't have happy thoughts about where to start. Did he have a right to? Was this just sort of a name only kind of thing?
He was somewhere between overwhelmed and upset.
His cell buzzed. He checked to see it was Josie's mother.
"What is it this time?" He cut to the chase. He was sure he should have been on top of something. But what?
"Well, hello..to you too." She said while he opened the fridge to smell something that wasn't quite right. There was a moldy bowl of spaghetti, he chunked it immediately in the trash. Asa made a face of disgust as he handled it.
"Sorry." Asa hadn't a clue why she was calling, again. Didn't she want to speak with her daughter? Instead of him.
"What has Josie been doing?" Camille wanted to know.
"She's helping with the coffee shop, while the owners are taking a vacation." Asa shrugged.
"She's been buying so much fast food. Are you feeding her?" Camille question.
"Uh, well, I.." He couldn't remember the last time they'd eaten as a family, but he bought groceries. Of course, when he shook the milk jug now, it was empty in the fridge. Asa sighed and went to rinse the jug out for recycling. He went back to check at the cartons of yogurt. There were a couple left. He did try to make sure Josie got her favorite yogurt. "I'm trying." He knew it would do no good to tell her how hectic things were. He was in the midst of getting a summer reading program started, so he was on his computer or phone a lot, after hours getting a line up of speakers and activities ready. "I'll talk to her about it."
"Are you sure, you don't need help?" She offered. He guessed.
"Oh, you know..its..almost summer." Asa only expected it to get worse. He looked around the kitchen thinking he had to get it in shape. Now.
"Maybe I should come back." Camille told him.
"You don't have to do that." He took a peek in the laundry room and saw there was no detergent. He rolled his eyes. He had a feeling if she saw the place he was certain they'd think he was inept to even raise an infant.
He looked on the calender and saw the appointment. Social services were coming next week. His eyes lit. He'd totally forgotten he even had to go through this. He cringed then.
"Asa? Are you still there?" She asked.
He sat down in the dining chair. Maybe he wasn't suppose to do this. Maybe he was all wrong for all of this. Maybe somebody else should be adopting the baby. He finally broke down. "I dunno if I can get this place cleaned up in time. I just dunno." He choked on the lump of heartache in his throat. He missed Amanda's brownies. There was so much he missed about her.