You're no better than you were

Dorian wasn't sure he could really read the signs. There was a moment when he thought Ruben really liked him. But he could have been wrong.

At the moment he felt like an idiot, laying in the hospital bed.

Alcohol poison. And Ruben no where in sight.

He probably didn't care. No one cared. Except Luc and of course, his mom. And Dad.

Still, he felt so alone. He hated to give Derrick a thought. But they were so close. He thought... over the summer, how things felt so definite. But it wasn't.

Countless times, he'd meant to ask Josie about him. Instead, he asked about her baby. Derrick's baby. Except, it really wasn't. It was adopted. Oddly, he felt about as much in limbo as that baby. Good intentions, yet still a lingering feeling that things would not change. Maybe never change. Especially, with Derrick. Or anyone, for that matter.

At the moment, he felt awfully depressed. His stomach a little raw. Actually, a tired case of the flu. Never the less, he had a captivated audience around him. His parents. Treating him as if he might need to go to rehab.

"I'm gay." He didn't have time to let his voice crack. "But really, that's not how it got this way. I didn't know. I didn't mean..it.. to happen. The alcohol." He sighed. "Everything, is all right. I'm fine. I promise. You, just have to believe me."

He'd listened to what the doctor told him. No alcohol for 6 months. Dorian swore he'd never touch it again. It was a promise he was keeping. He'd learned his lesson.

But there were concerns. Not so much about sexual orientation, but the idea of him seeing some one who'd get him drunk.

"Don't tell me, that's your boyfriend?" His mother looked worried as she made over him.

"There's no one." He couldn't help it. He blinked tears.

"Not even Luc?" His Mom told him then, how they thought Luc was his boyfriend.

Dorian tried to laugh, but he coughed tears instead. His sides hurt.

"He's a good friend. My best friend." Dorian winced. Maybe some day he'd be just as good of a friend, too.