Saturday, April 20, 2013
Fish's phone was off all night. He turned it on, just before bed. He couldn't help but smile a little when he noticed the text from Shan.
Wish you were here.
Fish didn't really believe him. A part of him wanted to text Shan back and tell him he was the luckiest fool he knew. Shan had a boyfriend. Didn't he know how awesome that must be?
He looked at the text for the longest time. Tears welled in his eyes until he blinked. He hated this kind of loneliness.
He shut off his phone and laid back against his pillow. He thought of the first time he climbed on top of the house. He wanted to fly away. Of course, he almost stumble off.
For a moment, he thought it might really happen. Of course, no one knew about his suicidal tendencies. Not like he had them all the time. He didn't really want it to happen. Although, he really doubted anyone would miss him.
And that's what made his heart ache the most.
He heard his phone buzz. He winced wondering why it wasn't off.
It was Shan, again.
Are you up?
Why? Fish texted back as he sniffed his tears.
Fish couldn't imagine what this meant. A few minutes later Fish met Shan out by Smoker's Hill. He hoped he didn't regret this.
"What's up?" Fish got in Shan's old car.
"I dunno, anymore." Shan told him. "It was such a shitty night."
Fish nodded. He looked up thinking it was a full moon, but there were clouds.
"I don't know what to tell you." Fish told him. Shan drove through old town which was abandoned in the dark night.
Finally, Shan stopped at the empty parking lot.
"I just don't think I can be who Henry wants me to be." Shan finally said. It was quiet then. Shan opened the car door. "Lets get high."
Fish looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Come on." Shan's smile was quick. "You know, you trust me."
Fish cleared his throat. He wanted to trust him. Shan started up the fire escape outside the old vacant building. It was a bit of a struggle in the cold wind, but Fish followed. Finally, they got to the top of the roof which suddenly felt like a complete new world.
"You can see the city from here." He pointed to Omaha in one direction and across the river to Council Bluffs. It was epic.
Fish's smile grew. He'd never seen a view from this height before. He bit his bottom lip.
Shan lit a cigarette, but it wasn't homemade. Just nicotine. He took a drag and handed it to Fish.
"The thing is," Shan winced. "I feel like I'm the one who has to watch out for Henry, all the time. You know. I mean..." He shook his head. "I didn't know it would be this way." He told Fish about Henry's drinking. How he was at Cedric's party. Now what an arrogant bastard, Henry thought he'd been at the dinner party.
Fish knew he didn't mean it. He couldn't. Fish knew Shan was just upset. It would get better.
"But you know, he's worth it." Fish looked at Shan as if he did have faith in Henry.
Shan squinted hard. "I hope so."