Sunday, April 21, 2013
moments like these
Shan had never taken Henry to this place, the roof of this old building.
Shan couldn't quite remember the things he used to do when he was alone. It felt like an ancient religion of some kind that Henry refused to believe in. It felt a little tragic in Shan's heart. As if he was the one who was not right in the head.
"Things are better now. Right?" Fish asked after he took a drag off the cigarette and handed it back. He did look under-dressed for their little excursion. Fish dug deeper in the pockets of his blue hoodie.
Shan saw, in the moonlight, Fish's shoes untied. He bent down and tied them.
"See, you're a caring guy. You're just trying to keep Henry out of trouble." Fish's laugh was soft. His smile a little crooked. Shan stared at him, thinking Fish was just so hopeful.
Shan looked back at the skyline laced with lights. When he thought of himself, how it used to be, it was like a dream. It was true, he was becoming what Henry wanted. Honestly, he felt lost. What had been wrong with him? To begin with?
The cold wind made his nose drip. He pushed the back of his hand across his wet nose, dragging the residue across his old coat.
"I'm not as tough as I used to be." He'd gone soft. He really thought so. Henry might as well have trained a lap dog, as of late. Sure, he got it. Henry wanted to settle down, but did that mean he had be tied down, too?
"You're tough, really..you are." Fish almost winked as he continued to share the cigarette with him.
"Things should really be good. I mean, Henry and me." He sighed. Still it felt as if it were a strange sentence of some kind. Like he had to live up to his end of the deal.
Yet, deep down, he knew the truth now. They should have never started anything up. He should have never shared a part of himself that was now a dull routine with Henry. Yes, a part of him needed him. It was just... these things in between. Relationships could kill the spirit.
"Promise me, you, won't fall completely for Derrick." Shan said his thought aloud as he racked his fingers through his wind blown hair out of his face.
"Why would I?" Fish was more stoic than usual.
"Cause, I don't want you to change." Shan looked at him out of the corner of his eye. The fact remained he liked coming back to this.