Sunday, January 11, 2015

Shout it all out

Shout it All Out prt.1

"You! Can't be serious!" Shan's mother glared at him, furiously.

"It was our decision." Shan wasn't sure he was conveying enough seriousness. He so wanted to push his mother away. "We got married in Oklahoma City."

"Who's wild idea was this?" She scrunched a frown.

"I dunno." Shan's shrugged, thinking back of their time on the beach in Corpus Christie. "We met this gay couple. They were on their honeymoon." He sighed. "I guess we had our honeymoon first. Mom. I dunno..we just did it... because..because we thought it was the right thing to do." He hadn't meant to be so flamboyant about it., but he wanted her to be happy about this, and he could clearly see she wasn't.

"How do Fish's parents feel about it?" She wanted to know.

"He hasn't told them."

His mother shook her head. "Do you know, how I..I worked hard..for us to be a family, again. And you..YOU go and do something stupid like this!"

"Stupid!" Now Shan was in stomp. "I never said I wanted to live with you! I never did! I don't want to be here! I want to be with Fish!" He went to his bedroom and slammed the door before his mother could say anything else.

Shout it all out prt.2

Henry wanted to wallow in his own despair. But could he call it that? When it was all his own doing.

He hugged his pillow, taking refuge in bed, thinking over what Leo had said.

"You, just want to have sex with him." The words echoed through Henry's empty head.

" I don't." He didn't believe that, not for a minute, with Chandler, but still he knew he loved him. "Its just..different..OK?"

How more clear could he make it to Leo?

OK, they had the physical thing down, pretty much. Henry and Leo. But he didn't know if he really loved Leo the way he loved Chandler.

"Maybe..maybe he gets me and you don't?" Henry had said in his defense a few days ago when he and Leo hashed this out. "I..I have to be there for him." Henry felt he was the only one who could be. Chandler's dad was awful. Making him feel so bad for being who he really was.

"What are you saying?" Leo looked at him as if Henry had lost it. As if maybe he truly was the crazy one, after all.

Now Henry really felt like the crazy one, letting Leo go so quickly. Henry felt as if a part of him was bleeding out, and he might die if he didn't have Leo.

Still, deep down, Henry knew he really needed to be on his own. Not with Chandler. Henry guessed Chandler was just and excuse. He didn't really want to talk about the truth.

 Henry couldn't depend on Leo every time he had a seizure. And he didn't want Leo to feel he was responsible for taking care of him.

Yes, he knew he had to let Leo figure his own path. And yes, he knew he loved Leo. He would always love him, yet it was time to let him go. Now, Henry felt so empty. A little slower in his thoughts. All he wanted was a deep sleep, yet he felt a fit of wakefulness coming on.


cat eyes & skinny jeans said...

I hope Henry can find some peace in his life.


Launna said...

Sometimes being alone to figure out what we need is the best thing we can do for ourselves... I hope this helps Henry xox