where do the days go

Xander didn't want it this way, but he was sure it was too late. He just didn't know what to say to Nessa.

"I really wish..it could be different." He could feel the riff already when he walked in to his father's house. Of course, he wasn't around. "I'm sorry." The only words he could manage. Perhaps, it was true, he didn't want to see his father anymore than his father wanted to see him.

Maybe Xander hated him.

He didn't mean too.

He handed her the wedding invitation.

"It'll be short and simple. Nothing fancy." He promised. It would be a garden wedding at Ducky's house.

"You mean, its casual?" Her gaze was stern. It was hard to read her, sometimes. He supposed he'd always be in debt to her.

"No, not..exactly. We..we plan to wear white. Tuxedos." He cleared his throat.

She looked the invitation over.

"I..I hope you..you and Simon, will be there." Xander said, but his mind was racing. Thinking, of all the things his father must hate about him. If..if he'd been different. Straight. Xander thought now, his dad might have liked  him. Still, like a dark cloud, sadness consumed him. No, it was because of her. His real mother.

Xander thought his eyes might be misty. He cleared his throat more, imaging he was allergic to Nessa's great house. After all, his father married into money. He knew now. It hurt to think of his father as some egoistical materialistic soul, but he must have been.

Xander would not ask of him. it didn't matter.

"I..I did meet Simon's new girlfriend. He seems happy." Xander pressed his lips tight.

Tessa crossed her arms.

"I haven't even met her." She told Xander that his brother wasn't around much. She sounded quite lonely.

Xander only nodded, thinking his moment was done here.

He hugged her, as if it was OK that she'd taken his father's side. Someone, needed to be on his side.

When Xander walked outside, there his father was, manicuring the roses. It was such a shock to see him. For second, Xander thought he might be ghost, but then his father said, "I need to talk to you."