do you know what you are

Several times Jules wanted to tell Willow about Josie. Yet, he didn't want to make it more than it was. On some days, it was nothing. Yet, he'd wake up in the middle of the night in fear of Willow being furious with him. Still, he wasn't one who wanted to bring it up. Couldn't he just forget?

But the days were getting close. The concert was coming and guess who was going to the concert together?

"Are we really going?" Jules didn't mean to fuss, but he wasn't that amused with the concerts around here.

"Yes, I told Topher, we would." Willow hands were on her hips. This was serious. "I think we should do more couple things."

"Do you, now?" Was this a joke? He was afraid he was frowning. There was no choice but to get happy about it. He guessed. But it was frustrating. And no matter how much kissing might be involved, it was not going to put off the Josie situation.

He pulled her in close, though. They were after all... in their room. Practically bedtime.

"There is something I have to tell you." He said so sleepily.

"What?" She was wide awake, looking at him frantically as if someone stole something from them down at the shop.

Jules nursed his bottom lip.

"It was Josie who gave me the hat." Jules wanted to keep it simple.

"What hat?" How easily she forgot. He wanted to laugh.

"That hat?" He pointed to the black crocheted one, on the hook by the door.

"She made that?" She looked at him seriously. "For you?"

"I dunno, if it was..really for me." He shrugged. "But..."

"But what?" She expected the truth, he knew, from her ever so endearing glare.

"We, kind of went out." He gave a playful shrug and possibly a smile that was idiotic.

"Kind of?" She winced.

"It was nothing..serious." He shook his head. He didn't want it to be. "It was something, that happened, when I first got here, and ..and maybe I wasn't thinking straight..or something." He felt as if he were backed in a corner now and couldn't get out of this gracefully.

"She..she gave you a hat?" Willow sighed.

"I know, but I dunno why. Seriously, I don't." He was a bit puzzled. "OK, I know, she liked me, and..and I treated her terribly. But its..its really not all my fault." His eyes were wide eyed as he thought about this situation with Josie.

"Not all your fault?" Willow kept questioning.

"Look, Ollie, didn't like me around her. He said I was too old for her. I didn't know. I was, kind of homesick..and..and then..I ended up treating her like the ones, at home." He  nursed his bottom lip, again.

"And hows that?" Willow festered a frown.

"God, must I?" He squinted hard and turned from her. "I'd get what I want and then say every awful thing I could think of, to make them hate me. Not that I got everything I wanted...from Josie..I didn't." He gritted then as if this was the most agonizing thing he'd ever shared about himself with anyone. "I'd treat them a whole lot like I was with me, Mum..when she'd go on how she'd care about me..I didn't want that." He waited for Willow's reaction.

"How come, you haven't pulled that trick on me?" Willow pursed her lips.

"I dunno." He shook his head. "I feel different about you. I don't want to let you down. That's..that's why I'm telling you this." He sighed then. "I guess that's why I don't want to go to this..this concert."

"Oh, you're going." Her sly grin was a bit of a relief for Jules to see. "And you are going to be nice to Josie."

Jules guessed he suspected it would be this way.