the day is long

Ste looked at the wrapped package in the corner. He still hadn't got up the nerve to give it to Gabby. After all, he'd stayed in bed most of Christmas.

It was so hard to think he could be happy. There were memories of his brother.

Although, it had started with a haunting dream of baking a baby in a cake.

He stayed up, remembering... finding the cold blue corpse of his brother, who overdosed in his own bed.

Why hadn't he known? His brother was so bad off. If only, he could go back in time and change it.

Then..then he might not be here, right now.

Oh, he knew he would live with a brother who fussed endlessly. He'd known the brunt of his fist, too. He'd be the one black and blue.

Sometimes, Maxie made him feel so worthless. Ste hadn't really meant much to anyone.

It just didn't feel right. It was a lot to live up, too. His brother's perfections.

What in the world had Gabby seen in him?

It was best to be in his own frozen world and not disrupt a happy Christmas for Macy and the baby. They were to think of the future. She had a father for Stephen and all was so bright.

Later, Ste felt stiff... to be back to work, but he wore a clean white shirt, even if powdery flour was all over his white apron.

He listened to Jules talk about his Christmas. They'd drank a little too much. He'd had a bit of a wrestling match with his brother-in-law.

"I shouldn't do things like that." Jules told him. "I gotta watch myself." He said he rarely drank anymore. Mostly during the holidays. He said when he was younger, he was always drunk. Sometimes, high.

"I don't miss those days. I really don't." Jules gave him a quick smile. "I should have been a good bloke, like you."

He slapped Ste on the back. Ste only nodded, thinking maybe Jules would slap the ghost of Christmas past, right out of him.

Jules went to get Ste coffee.

"So what did you and Gabby do?" The bakery had been closed for Christmas through New Years.

"I was sick." Ste remained even lipped without emotion.

"That sucks." Jules shrugged.

Ste nodded. He went back to check on the shortbread in the oven. He knew he had a lot of making up to do, with Gabby. But at the moment, there was work.