last Christmas

Duffy found last years broken Christmas gift. He still wasn't sure why he was holding on to a gift that he gave to his wife that she clearly didn't want. It was shortly after that when she left him.

He squinted, realizing he'd never been exactly what she wanted. A lot like the Chinese teapot set he'd given her.

She'd been so disappointed when she saw how the bamboo handle had cracked and could probably never be replaced. Possibly a lot like their relationship.

There were her colleagues she mingled with and left most of the child care with him while he was struggling as a new music teacher with lesson plans for whole groups of children in one grade and at different levels.

It was all so overwhelming and when she'd left him it felt as if he was too late to accomplish anything.

"What is this?" Effy asked when she found the peaceful blue cardboard box on a shelf in the living room.

"Nothing," he could bare say above a whisper, but it was the past. It felt years ago now, not months.

She opened it and smiled. She  thought she could fix the handle.

"But..but I don't want you too." He didn't mean to sound bitter. "Just leave it, for now." He wanted to get rid of it, but couldn't.

Effy nodded and put it away where she'd gotten it. When she turned to him, he couldn't help but to embrace her. She was like falling into a certain softness he'd yearned for, for so long. He hoped he would know how to keep this bliss alive.

"You are so wonderful," Duffy whispered in her ear. It was as if he could really sleep now. No more nightmares of what might come.

"Duff, you're so kind," she whispered back. Their eyes met and when they kissed it was if another waited to exist and would take them right into another world. But he was crying.

He imagined it was of joy, but his bones were tired of working, carrying the burden of daily chores. The dread he would never be his best at anything. Not even fatherhood. But she took him under his wing. Somehow, this Christmas would be different.