Just like me, they long to be

 

Dimi had made herself sick over a guy named Cash. She'd even gone in for a COVID test but it came back negative. It might have been the only thing going right for her. 

She'd hoped Jools and Mick were in love, but she didn't think so. Evidently, she didn't know a lot about people. Always reading them the wrong way. 

She tried to make her room cozy, but then she had no money to improve it. Her drawings were pretty simple. If anyone were to visit, she was certain to say, "Oh, look my niece drew that. " She was pretty sure she could be a compulsive liar to make everything a sunny day. Of course, there were no sunny days.

She'd cry herself asleep mid-morning or even after midnight, over thoughts of Cash. What had she done that was so wrong? First, she missed him so much. She missed his touch. She missed his scent, but then she couldn't eat pizza anymore and burgers were just fowl to her.

Then she remembered. She hated the snakes. The tropical fish were no picnic. God, this man had a lot of reptiles. Was something wrong with him?

HE WASN'T THAT GREAT IN BED. She awoke to this feeling she'd been used ALL THIS TIME. She kicked the covers away as if how could she not know just what kind of sleazy guy he was. That was the night she burned all his pictures and Mick and Jools were afraid she was smoking pot because she burned the last of her incense trying to get the smell to go away.

Oh, how she hated her life. How could she be so useless? She was now thirty-one. Why wasn't she married with kids? She was sure of it now. She would never ever have any. So she cried for a long time after that. If only she hadn't used birth control in high school she might have a son by now and maybe they would be traveling in search of wildfires. Possibly, a bad idea, but she would be with her own family.

Of course, Mick never showed up in these dreams and the kid was always blonde and blue-eyed. Yes, she was quite a daydreamer.

 She did try to use her hands, make herself useful, but she knew Jools didn't like it and Mick told her to stop trying so hard with domestic duties.

And then she applied for any job that would take her at the university. And waited what felt like an eternity. She was sure she wasn't good enough. She'd have to work at her uncle's car place. But she hated to ask. She hated to be so dependent. 

It felt like an accident when the phone rang. They could fit her in. Naturally, the pay was slightly above minimum wage. Would she be OK working with small animals? For a second she thought it was the zoo calling. What kind of job was this? It was research.

"Research!" She was excited (Oh, the thought of wearing a white coat)! And she was very determined to make it on time. Actually, she'd found the building the day before and knew exactly where the lab was.

Dimi found herself smiling again. Maybe she wouldn't have to be a burden to her little brother, after all.