how we deal

 

At least the cake rose to the occasion this time. Joon's last carrot cake was a lot to be desired, but Niah had eaten it without a problem. Really, Easter was the worst of it, he guessed now. But some days were better than others. It had been the cake for the bunny. Granted calling the cake the bunny cake now was kind of silly, but he went with it. He always went with whatever his baby girl wanted.

Of course, it was trying at times to get her to sleep in her own bed because, in the beginning, Joon needed her close even if he pretended it was her who needed him. At least now, Niah liked the idea of her own room because Keanu had his own room, too. And she slept most nights now while every little thing kept him tense. Thinking, where had it all gone wrong with Natalie? Why was it like this? Of course, it made his days more tired, and yet he was glad he had a busy place to be during the day.

"Daddy where's my coffee?" She wanted to know.

Joon winced as they sat down to breakfast with the warm cake. "You haven't told Auntie about your caffeine habit, have you?" He wanted to know. Niah shook her head no. Granted it was only one cup, but he was afraid Bom might really make it hard on his fatherhood skills. But a little coffee and a lot of milk with some sugar was Niah's way of remembering Mommie each day.

Some days he might as well have been in a haze of some kind. Work at the airport was at least consistent and they let him work the day shifts and most weekends were off. It was good to be back. He guessed. Natalie's grandmother promised him it was best if he was surrounded by his own family now. He had told her she was wrong, but now maybe she was right. He was glad Niah had Keanu and of course, there was Bom and Liam too. There was also Ivy's mother who felt like a distant aunt. Funny, how he hadn't even seen Ivy yet, and they lived in the same building.

These days there was a schedule, Bom took Niah with her boys to the daycare. She brought them back to her place and Joon picked up Niah when he got home. Still, he wondered was it enough? Was he spending enough time with her? Was he doing anything right?

Of course, he hadn't been honest with Bom. He didn't know where to begin. Funny, how so long ago, she was the first girl who ever kissed him. He was not that person anymore and she was not that girl either. All along he'd never been comfortable around the mistakes they'd made, thinking it was actually no more than drinking together between exams. 

He'd felt so fortunate to meet someone like Natalie. It was like finally finding the end of the rainbow. She was a treasure. She was his best friend. Sure, it had been rocky from the get-go, but he always thought he knew her, until now. 

Joon still couldn't piece it together. He might never find all the pieces of the puzzle, but the fact remained fentanyl had taken her away from him and Niah. And she wasn't coming back.