If that's not loving you

 

It was a nightmare. The fourth was truly a nightmare. Jay was beginning to understand that now. He'd gone through so many emotions. Never had he been on such a whirlwind. And truly, he'd been through a lot. Especially, with his so-called brother Lenny.

Of course, he crumbled into tears, alone on his couch thinking if only he'd known what he'd put Ivy through...well, maybe he was a sad shit just like Lindy's alter-something said. 

Rita wanted to play pool that night. Of course, she won. She'd won plenty before he even got there. Oh, fireworks might have made plenty giddy with love for each other and for country, but this Miss, oh she was slick and not at all like Lindy.  

She said she did not have a twin when he'd asked.

Jay didn't want to believe any of it was true now. He just wanted her to be who she was supposed to be. Petite, docile Lindy. Not some ... oh he winced hard not wanting to think it...a bitch. Yes, that's what Rita was. Plain and simple. She drank tequila GOLD shots like a pro. 

Nasty stuff, Jay thought. Yes, he'd met crazy and was sure she would leave with the first truck driver that showed up, but thankfully he was gay and liked line dancing instead.

Yes, Jay played game after game, trying to think of the best way to get her home. And then he did the worst thing he could possibly do. He knocked her out cold. His knuckles ached at the thought of hitting her. And then he took her to the emergency room.

It was definitely not a good fifth of July either. It took a while to get her the help she needed. He almost got arrested. 

Now he thought it was a mistake. Lindy wasn't saying anything to anyone. Hadn't for days.

 She was just somebody he didn't know and maybe never would. He knew he'd have to stay out of it. Especially, since he didn't want to make matters worse with Ivy and he had to have Hope in his life. After all, she was his daughter.

It was nightfall before Slater checked on him.

"But I don't need checking up," Jay festered a frown when Slater showed up with left-overs. 

"You know, you need me." Slater shrugged. "We are family."

Jay sat back on the couch staring at the dinner plate wrapped in foil on the coffee table. He could smell the barbecue from here. But he sighed as the tears shed like a night storm.

"I have felt abandoned most of my life," Jay nodded as he let the tears drip down his face. "I don't know why I think I can be somebody's hero when..when I can't really take care of myself..and especially, not ...Lindy."

"Stop feeling like a failure," Slater told him. "Things might work out yet."

Jay shook his head NO as if he was determined not to let anything work out.

"Who knows, Lindy might really love you. And..and her Dad... he might actually know your dad." Slater put his arm around him. Jay wanted to smile, but he couldn't. Instead, he turned to Slater and wept into his shoulder.