After a thousand miserable thoughts

 

Mercer did have a lot on his mind. He kept telling himself the whole thing with Cade was an accident. It had to be. And yet, it was the same dream every night. Heart pounding. The fight. The kiss. Oh, it left him tense. Even more anguish around Brooklyn. Did she know?

And there was Harley back at school. She seemed to have aged. How was that possible? He didn't understand it. Oh, he knew all about her being diabetic one now. Brick told him all about it. Really, he might be Brick's best friend but just didn't know it. Brick gave him an update all the time about Harley these last few weeks. Mercer kept thinking he was sending messages to the wrong person. Wasn't he supposed to be updating Cade instead?

Of course, Mercer remained mute. He didn't know what he was hiding from. Maybe himself. Not that he thought this kind of matter would ever bother his parents. Still, he just thought it was all so accidental. Not with Cade.

"You look like something's the matter," Harley said when she met him in the crowded hallway between classes.

"No. Nothing. Why would there be?" He gritted a smile. Of course, he wanted to exit to the near broom closet and have a breakdown, but even then he was dreaming Cade would find him and then... his eyes lit at the thought. God, if he wrote about this and somebody found it..no..no..no..no...

"Well, you are doing OK."

"Of course, I am." He found himself squinting in anguish. Suddenly, he saw Cade in the hallway. He needed to make a run for it. But where. The restroom. 

He high-tailed to a stall, as if he might have to fart or something. But he stood there quietly as if maybe he wouldn't exist even when the bell rang. 

"Mercer, are you OK?" It was Cade.

"Yes, I've got gas." He snapped. He wanted to tell him to go away, but he couldn't.

"Why can't we talk." Cade wanted to know.

"I dunno." He finally opened the door and looked up at him. Why were there so many things he envied about this guy? Why? 

Cade pushed him back in the stall as if all would be quiet if they gave it time. 

"You're making me crazy," Cade whispered. Mercer drew a frown not wanting to look at him, but of course, he did. What the hell were they doing? People took a dump here. He made a face of disgust, but Cade kissed him anyway. And of course, where they were suddenly disappeared from his mind. Actually, he found it kind of funny or maybe it was the idea that this could happen right here.