Yes, I am but maybe I'm not

 

Of course, Cedric was elated when Dory wanted him to come over. What could this be about? He smiled all over when he got his text and probably smiled even more like a fool when he got there. In fact, they were alone and he motioned for him to come with him to his room.

Was he on something? Well, he didn't really look any happier than usual. Not that Cedric ever got a smile out of him. But there had been some close calls. Especially, when they were off at the pumpkin patch with the gang and fell into each other. It was a bit of a zoo there feeling their way in the dark between pumpkin mazes and haunted houses. 

Dory grabbed him by the waist then and a jolt of excitement had gone through Cedric, but he was pretty much simmered down now. They were maybe friends. He'd decided.

Dory had a pile of things on the bed. Brand new winter items. He tossed him a scarf. Then some gloves. 

"Boone's mom wanted to make sure I got these to you," Dory was so matter-a-fact that it hurt Cedric's tender heart. 

"Oh." Cedric nodded. The scarf was cashmere. He'd never had anything this elegant. He tossed it back to Dory. "I couldn't. I just couldn't."

"No, she'll be really mad if you don't take it," Dory sighed. He could see even Dory was finding it difficult to accept these winter items.

Cedric nodded. Dory sat on his pristine bed (except for the lump of dark clothes). He patted a spot for Cedric who stared at the spot for a moment as if this might be a trick, but Dory kept patting as if he didn't he know what to do, so he sat down next to him.

"She seems to think we're together," Dory told him. Cedric chuckled with an open grin. "I can't fight her on this. It's like she has Thanksgiving and Christmas planned out for us."

Cedric sighed, even then he felt the coldness in his chest. A part of him wanted to cry. He wasn't nearly as tough as some might think.

"Look, I did have a partner." Dory pressed his lips as if he wasn't anymore.

"A partner?" Cedric eyes lit. What did he mean? Cedric's dips into the relationships always left him a little in shock. Not that they had lasted long. Some of them just wanted his money. A couple were just one-nighters that he never saw again. These were early on when he was discovering what he liked, but it wasn't those kind of moments he was sure that Dory spoke of.

"It was just an online thing. We never actually met."

Dory sighed with a nod. "Stupid, I know. But it felt so safe... you know. We didn't even text." He let a grin slip. "We'd just met on some orchestra forum and exchanged email addresses and well, I couldn't wait to hear from him. But I know that is so old fashion social media. Yet, it was a goal to meet him someday. Still, I wonder if I messed up because I was really afraid to meet him. And then..and then he was done with me. Like, like I was nothing."

Cedric nodded. He put his hand on top of Dory's and he didn't move it. Cedric blinked. 

"It's crazy out there, you know," Cedric confided. "I've been to one too many parties where friends were always setting me up. I was the guy the left to make a beer run with who was the loneliest fool there. Well, that might have been me." He pressed his lips tight.

"Somehow, I always felt stunted in life," Dory cleared his throat. "I just thought if I acted confident. Then I would be confident, but Finn always said I was an ass who thought I was too good for anyone. But..but that's not really true."

"Finn doesn't know everything," Cedric picked up Dory's hand. Yes, these would be the tiniest steps Cedric had ever taken with someone, but he wanted to be here for Dory.