I think I'm turned around

"If it's something this important, you need to tell Phil first," Zoey said over the phone to Lexi. "Not us."

She'd wanted to tell anyone but Phil. Why was it all on her?

"I can't tell him, I just can't," his mother had said right after their wedding when she got Lexi alone before she and Phil went back. It had been snowing that day and the roads were snow packed. Even now her eyes tensed thinking of the drive back.

Of course, his mother was in a fragile state then and Phil's father was being the worst at home patient ever since then. He didn't want to take his meds. He slept in his recliner now. He didn't want to move about like he used too.

Yes, Lexi knew Phil's mom was going through a lot. But to give her this very old news to tell Phil felt as if she was the wrong messenger. 

"I know he needs to know, but I just can't," his mother kept saying. Yes, Lexie ought to hate them. And maybe she did. How could they have not told him where he was from.

So the silence prevailed and of course, Phil thought all sorts of things were going on, but not of this news.

"Well, we can't give up," he'd said about the baby. Only Lexi had suddenly lost interest in all her great plans of being someone's mother. As it was, she knew now that his parents thought the end was near and Phil would need someone. And that was her.

She'd be in a frenzy to clean and to think. Wondering if they would have laid out this plan if a stranger had come with Phil on that Thanksgiving trip. What kind of people were they? Still, this wasn't like getting ready for a gender reveal or celebration. It was just someone's history no one ever told him about. His own.

She made his favorite blueberry oatmeal cookies. They set down to some hot tea on a frigid morning when neither had to be at work. Still, it felt so raw to begin the tale. Why hadn't anyone written it out? He couldn't exactly call his dad and ask him a dozen questions because she did wonder if Phil's mother knew everything.

She asked him what he knew about his parents, and he said they were Mormons once and then Mennonites. He said, "Why are you worried."

"Oh, I just wondered." She cradled her cup. "And he was in the military too." She remembered.

"Yeah, but I don't really remember it, I was little then and you know, grew up on a farm." Phil shrugged about the matter.

"They must love you a lot," she smiled. "You're mother was telling me something about you, that I wondered if-"

"If what?"

"She knows you are your father's son," A lump of regret thrashed in Lexi's throat.

"What do you mean?" Phil winced as if she was talking weirdly.

"He went to great lengths to find you. You were still a baby then. In an orphanage just outside of Seoul." She told him. 

Phil looked at his warm cup of tea. He was silent. But Lexi knew he heard every word. He just could not speak.