Feels like we only go backwards

 

It had been on Dan's mind for quite a while now. Funny, two antidepressants almost put him in a deep sleep, but the one kept him focused and he was going on with life the best he could. 

The dreams still came deep in the night. He knew he'd never be what Ivy wanted and neither would their baby Angel. 

Sure, he suspected he was at fault, going all the way back the the Chinese Mexican connection. Although, Spanish wasn't supposed to be his native tongue, it somehow came about when he was adopted as a youngster. He didn't know of his orgin and the foster system didn't much have time to look into, either. They probably hadn't meant to pass him off in such a way. Of course, it hadn't been just him. His sister could at least converse with him in their native tongue although, it took almost two decades to find her. Yet, he knew now Ivy looked down on this. It hadn't been a problem when he knew her from before when they were growing up, but now everything was a problem. 

If that wasn't enough, he was certain she was still in love with her ex (Jay) who had a new family with Lindy. After all, Lindy was a good mother to Jay and Ivy's daughter. She probably knew Ivy's little one better than Ivy ever would. 

Dan confessed this to his buddy Jory out on the basket ball court last weekend. Oh, it was warm and things were thawing then.

Naturally, Jory shot back, "You don't mean it. You've got to be the most stable guy I know."

Dan found himself laughing, "Goes to show how much you know." He took a shot and his lanky body made it.

He'd made up his mind even then. "I'm just not happy."

"What are you going to do?" Jory asked. Dan didn't really know, but he needed to do something. Those were his thoughts then.

Yes, he'd thought it through just after he dropped off his toddler Angel at his grandmother's house. Dan did want to be happy, and he needed to find it without Ivy. The thought of going all the way to Florida to get married felt dreadful now, but the idea of just letting her go there alone felt as if it might be the right thing to do, being free of each other. 

Somehow, he knew it would end this way all along, even if she kept promising it wouldn't. Yes, it felt enlightening to know this now. Of course, he wasn't paying attention. Dan was driving too fast in a school zone and just as he was trying to break, something slipped. The breaks weren't working. Suddenly, it was an awkening of steel teeth knashing, and glass shattering as his old car spun.