I am not a robot

You've been acting awful tough lately
Smoking a lot of cigarettes lately
But inside, you're just a little baby
It's okay to say you've got a weak spot
You don't always have to be on top
Better to be hated than love, love, loved for what you're not


You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable
You are not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled


Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot


You've been hanging with the unloved kids
Who you never really liked and you never trusted
But you are so magnetic, you pick up all the pins
Never committing to anything
You don't pick up the phone when it ring, ring, rings
Don't be so pathetic, just open up and sing


I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
I am not a robot
You're loveable, so loveable
But you're just troubled


Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot


Can you teach me how to feel real?
Can you turn my power on?
Well, let the drum beat drop


Guess what? I'm not a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot


Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
Guess what? I'm not a robot, a robot
-marina and the diamonds

"I'm sorry, I had to bring him." Kelsey listened to Ellie's apology.

"That's OK." Kelsey hoped it was just winter setting in that made so many things frozen. Maybe things would be better for everyone once there was a thaw. But Rex was on her mind, she knew there was nothing frozen back at the University in Austin. He just wouldn't pick up the goddamn phone. She tried her best not to let it show. That she was worried. Not so much about Rex, but about herself.

"How you been?" Ellie asked next as if this was Kelsey's cue to tell her everything. Everything. But the waitress came and asked what they wanted to drink, and Charlie got noisy as if he were practicing to be a drummer in a band as he beat n the high chair tray with his fist.

"Oh my God, I can't believe how much he's grown." She looked at his innocent face with the big dark eyes and the curls that went everywhere. He looked at her then as if he knew she was talking about him. She gave him a little wave and a smile. She felt suddenly so weepy.

"Everything OK?"

"Of course." Kelsey winced.

"You can tell me if its not," Ellie said. "I'm not having the best day either, but I guess neither is my mother. I had to keep Charlie with me."

"Why?"

"She's just mad." Ellie tried to smile. "I'm not quite cutting it. I guess. You know, I'm not having a wedding out of a magazine, and I'm not with who ever I'm suppose to be with, I guess. Its hard to say with her, you know."

"Sorry." Kelsey didn't know about Ellie's troubles. She thought she lived in paradise. She guessed. "Uh, I-I saw Rex over the holidays." Kelsey finally let slip.

"Oh yeah? I remember you said that the last time we talked. How's he doing?" Ellie looked at Kelsey as if she better tell the truth.

"Great, just great." She wished she could keep it great. She guessed he stayed great by never actually feeling anything about anyone. She'd come to that conclusion.

"Sounds like he hasn't changed." Ellie told her.

"You know him?" She winced.

"Kind of." Ellie slip. "He has a history with my sister."

"He does?" This was news to Kelsey as her Dr. Pepper came, and she pushed the straw from the paper and put the straw in her drink just to find it was more fizz than sweet. She really wanted to send it back, but she didn't.

"Well, uh, they were, young, you know-" Ellie started but then said. "I shouldn't probably talk about it."

"No, no I want to know." Kelsey was concerned as if maybe it were the key to figuring him out.

"My sister had an abortion." Ellie told her. "And I don't think she was ever the same, you know."

"Oh." Kelsey didn't know what to say then.

"I think it did something to Rex, you know." Ellie shrugged.

"Maybe." Kelsey shrugged back. She ordered a burger then with fries while Ellie ordered food she could share with Charlie. "But he seems really OK."

"Yeah," Ellie just nodded. "I guess he had a new girlfriend, huh?"

"No." Kelsey shook her head automatically. Of course, she hardly thought of herself in that league. Just a little secret she supposed. "Uh, I didn't see anyone, you know. We hung out."

"Oh." Ellie said if she knew. "I didn't know." She sipped her iced tea then and gave Charlie a little juice in his sippy cup.

"Know what?" Kelsey stared at her.

"I know what he's like." Ellie admitted. "He was-"

She didn't have to say it. She really didn't. Kelsey didn't want to know. Honestly, she didn't. Wasn't like she wanted to start a club.  Kelsey just squinted. Rex was the first guy she'd ever been with, too.