a night like tonight

Will wasn't so sure how to respond to Ivy's present.

He'd winced hard when he listened to her. Not sure if he heard her quite correctly. She really wanted him to be her first. Evidently, in everything.

All he could actually hear was the thunder of his heart beating. He thought he might actually be unconscious as she went on, how she would take care of everything.

But then, she told him she had just started birth control.

Suddenly, his eyes lit as if there was a loop hole of some kind. It was a sigh of a relief.

"Well, then.." he sighed. "We've got a whole year to think about it." He decided. Didn't she know going on birth control changed your body. What if her body didn't like it. What if she got headaches or some other odd affect?

Naturally, she looked at him puzzled, as they walked on the snowy sidewalk of her neighborhood. After all, she'd spent a good portion of the day at his house celebrating Christmas. Now they would celebrate at her house.

He held her hand as if they could get through anything.

He wasn't so sure what bothered him about this whole new situation. Perhaps, he didn't feel worthy of her, after all. Or the fact.. what if he were lover? He thought about his own father and how he never married his mother. Then the actuality of how his grandfather let his best friend raise his father. He didn't want that.

He wanted to be someone's husband. He wanted Ivy to know that he did cherish her. He did want good things to happen to her. He wasn't to take her.

"Don't look so sad." He told her. "I love you. I love seeing the world the way you do."

Couldn't they enjoy this moment and not worry so much about the future. There was so much he wanted to do with Ivy. And yes, even now as he breathed in the cold with her by his side. Somehow he felt stronger. He didn't want anything to tear it apart.

"But.." She looked at him as if their love couldn't be cemented until it was consummated.

"You, haven't been listening to Gabby, now have you?" He asked with his fingers locked between her fingers.

"How? How..did you know?" She did look troubled.

"Don't you know how smart and sentimental, you really are?" He was even lipped, wishing Gabby could change just once and not be so earthy to dig herself in a hole of misery. He smiled then, thinking Gabby had been someone he'd hoped to change. He guessed. But it was too late. It would always be too late.

"I love you, just the way you are." He smiled.

Finally, she smiled back as they got to the foot of the porch steps. He put his arms around her, and when he kissed her on the lips it felt as if he needed to assure her..he would always be here for her.