Where the wind is cold and empty

 

Oh, it might as well have been a Chinese wedding, standing in line at a casino. Somehow the hotel squeezed them in as if they'd get more money.

Rachel said she didn't care. But maybe she did. Even so, she went through with it. And everyone looked happy about it. Especially her parents. Naturally, the dress was cheap, but kind of off-white. A lot like herself thought Rachel. A part of her always wanted to be who her family wanted her to be, but then they knew how she really was. A girl who was fine with the cheap version of everything. 

Seriously, she was worried about Jory. What if they got back and he started killing people. He wouldn't go postal at the post office, would he? Suddenly, he was cold as a piece of metal. She didn't know how to react. All she could think of was all those times when her mother would corner her and say ever so wicked, "Now you've made your bed...Sleep in it!"

So, it was a little unsettling, was she going to prison or just the grave. Why had she gone so willing?

First of all, Jory was the only one to ask to marry her. She was surprised and instantly said yes. But now, she wasn't sure if she could pacify him, or if he'd even let her. It might as well have been a contract wedding.

Of course, they were back to work in no time. He didn't mention work, of course. She didn't talk about her job either. 

This wasn't the way it was supposed to be.

"Are you going to be mad at me, forever?" She wanted to know late one night after they'd gone to bed. Of course, they still slept together because there was only one bed.

Naturally, she got a sigh out of him and he turned away and told her to go to sleep. Of course, she was sure it took a lot out of him to say so few words.

She turned her back to him, but she didn't sleep.

"I'm worried about you," she said probably to herself.

"Quit acting like you care about me, when you know, you don't."

His very words had her in a tailspin as she flung about in the covers. 

"HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT!" She wanted to know. "I do care about you. Why..why are you doing this now! I could have just left you in the ocean." She was in a pout. "Maybe you'd floated off to some island. You're like a big iceberg!"

She got up and stomped off to the bathroom. Of course, she had to pee. She felt as if she was peeing a lot lately. Next thing she got herself a glass of water. She winced at the thought of being a diabetic. She thought she'd put on a few pounds when she was on vacation. Seriously, she didn't drink much while she was with her family. She'd done her best to stay clear-headed just in case a disaster happened and she would be a nurse on call.

Finally, she looked in the medicine cabinet and found the little pregnancy test box. She'd never used one ever in her life, but since meeting Jory she'd stopped using birth control months ago. She looked at the expiration date. It was still good.

She was tired, but she couldn't sleep. Her body told her she was a little weak, but she wouldn't dare think it. She was as strong as a plowhorse at work. Her hands were big and she could throw someone down when need be. But since she got back she felt she couldn't move quick enough these days. Of course, she was worried sick about Jory.

She looked at the package once more. Ready to toss it. She wouldn't need it. They might as well have parted ways in Siberia. But of course, she never threw something out she might use. She decided it would be just a practice test. She'd at least figure out how to use it.

Of course, the results make her feel faint. About then Jory came in the bathroom as if he would check she hadn't done herself in.

She really wanted to keep this from him. She'd decided. But it was too late. He knew.